My problem

Depression always hits me this time of year. Small criticisms and failures take on looming proportions, injustice and stupidity press down. And I just want to crawl under the bedclothes and never come out again.

I don't know how many courses of study and projects I've abandoned because it's February or March and suddenly I can't cope. I know it's coming and I know it distorts my perceptions, but I've never found any way to bypass or minimize it.

So, I have some good frienships, a small que of young men who want to have pleasantly casual sex with me, a family who put up with a lot, no end of political causes to fight for, music to make and books to read. It's just that none of this will mean much in the coming weeks.

There must be a way to avoid it, or at least control it. But willpower, drugs, distraction, cruising, chocolate, and trying to find an all consuming hobby haven't worked so far.