Excuses, Excuses

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"UNSAFE SEXUAL PRACTICES IS BEYOND EVIL"
- Troll "Austrev" responding to me on Nightcharm

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I can now reveal that my sometime employer has four hundred and nineteen cassette tapes. They took five hours to catalog and seven pages to list - not counting the twenty with absolutely nothing written on them.

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I don't think I'm cut out to be a novelist. I'm a short story writer. Or maybe a flasher.

But not a slasher. And there's no way I'm het.

What? Oh stop it. You people see double meanings in everything.

Anyway, I wonder if I could try that old trick of bundling together a set of short stories with overlapping events and characters...and calling it a novel. Might work.

My dystopian detective story/surreal romance/Beckett-Gibson-Christie mashup...has foundered on the rocks of being too bloody complicated. And probably a bit pretentious.

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Pavement wit:

In answer to the question, "What kind of man do you like?", answer "Geekiness is my weakiness".

The next time someone asks me about my taste in men...I shall recall only that I'd previously thought of a witty answer, but not what it was.

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What's the best way to lose weight?

Let me rephrase that. Given that starvation doesn't work, liposuction is expensive, amphetamines are hard to get and emigration to Mozambique might be considered overkill...how can a man in his thirties, with a low boredom threshold and not much money, become slimmer in a way that isn't painful or crushingly dull?

Cycling's good - though there's nowhere I need to cycle to. Jogging maybe - I know a daily jogger...in the, um, biblical sense. Dancing's good, though I have at least three left feet.

I don't suppose a reduction in chocolate consumption would help? Hmm. How much is liposuction?

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