My Worst

Vocals of 4 songs finally recorded. Now comes the fraught business of tweaking the backings, processing and editing the vocals, and mastering the final tracks.

However, the main business of the week is supposed to be last minute electioneering and script editing.
If anyone ever asks me, "What's the worst song you ever wrote?", there are several contenders. One was an untitled affair that didn't get much beyond the chorus:

And just like Lou Ried sang,
I'm waitin' for my man.

which is pretty cringwrothy. There was also the rhyming couplet:

The air and the chair we share
Mein Herr

Probably the wost though was written with the intention (thankfully) of being dumb. It was scribbled together in 10 minutes, in answer to a request from a 13 year old boy on SongFight, for a song about his beloved pet turtle. So...


Verse 1:
A turtle is not quite a tortoise
And it sure as hell ain't a porpoise
It's got green skin so it's not like a cat
And it's got no wings so it's not like a bat

Chorus 1:
He's got a big hard shell and he sleeps all the time
He's the bestest turtle...
And he's mine

Verse 2:
A turtle is not quite a terapin
And it sure as hell ain't a penguin
It's got big sleepy eyes so it's not like a shark
And it's got no hair so it's not like a maqaque

Chorus 2:
He can walk on the land and he can swim in the brine
He's the bestest turtle...
And he's mine

There is one other thing about this little ditty. It's the only one of my compositions to be recorded by someone else. The duo 'Mostly Harmless' sang it as a banjo picking hoedown, with deep south drawl and much whooping.

And one half of the duo - the annoyingly talented 'Plat' - performed it at his brother's wedding.

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