Something and Nothing

My book of children's stories has recieved no bids on ebay. However, someone is selling "ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for Christmas in an empty box", and has four bids up to UKP5, plus UKP1 postage and packing.

I've written to the seller, asking whether their Absolutely Nothing is compatibe with my Void Mk2 and Hole Deluxe (Home Edition). or do I need to upgrade to MT.

I've thought about including pictures in this blog, so here's the first. The product shot of the Absolutely Nothing.

Maybe I should try selling "Packet of Waitrose Chocolate Biscuits with Free Big Book I Never Got Around to Reading".
I forgot about the old portable computer - from the days when "portable" meant "Just fits in a large rucksack". It's an Amstrad PPC640, with two 3.5" drives and no hard disk. I used to sit up late at night writing short stories on it using WordPerfect 4.2. It's got an unbacklit LCD mono monitor, which is only readable in the dark from exactly the right angle.

So, that makes thirteen computers in the house. Fortunately we threw out the two QLs, BBC Model B, ZX81 and three Spectrums some years ago. Otherwise it would be a silly number.
Speaking of silly, a week after George Bush announced his "National Strategy for Victory in Iraq", he's offering a billion dollar grant to anyone who can "design and implement a social and economic stabilization program [for Iraq]"

So last week he told the world he had a cunning plan, though what it was never quite became clear, and now he's advertising for one. The military have failed, lets send in the marketing analysts.


  1. Firstly your ZX81 and the BBC model B are now collectables, and as such worth lotsa filthy lucre, and secondly: surely we could cobble together a plan to save iraq for a billion smackers.
    What about a neutron bomb? No more suffering endless hours of terrible news, and a blank canvas over oil to boot. Perfect for all concerned.

  2. I suspect a neutron bomb would solve several big problems by creating many more bigger problems. Though admittedly there is a tradition of doing so in the military.

    America has the firepower to turn the entire middle east into a radioactive desert, or kill every single inhabitant with conventional weapons. However, it would be bombed itself (maybe by it's own citizens) were it to begin.

    In any case, the factor which debars people like us is not so much our left-of-far-right politics or indeed our inexperience. It's our startup capital.

    It works like this: You come up with a nonsense plan to settle Iraq, and show that you have a few hundred million dollars to make it happen. You then spend your cash making it (sort of, maybe) happen, getting subsidised by the government, which lets you rip it off.

    The government then gives you the billion (the initial kickback) and you, controlling the infrastructure of Iraq, make hundreds of millions more for years (the real incentive).

    Selling a ZX81 - even one with upgrade to 'typewriter' keyboard - would most likely not raise sufficient funds. Two of the three spectrums exploded, which may limit their market value.

    That wasn't meant to turn into a lecture, sorry.