Boo and Hiss

I'm told everyone should eat six pieces of fruit a day. This must be the first time in my life I've done it - albeit pureed into something that resembles weak porridge.

On the one hand, I don't feel heavy, ill or lethargic. On the other, I've got big cravings for foods that make me feel that way. An enormous cheese sandwich, fried english breakfast, crisps and chocolate. Especially chocolate.
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I have a few stacks of Paul T's vinyl records, some up to twenty years old. My parents have a stack of their own vinyl, some up to fifty years old. Trying to digitise them and clean up the signal, I have come to the conclusion that a variable width groove cut into plastic is a truely abysmal way to record sound.

Analogue tape - reel-to-reel or compact cassette - has a constant red noise in the background and a tendency to saturation distortion (together described as 'analogue warmth' by enthusiasts). But at least you don't get crackles, skips, and a sound like you're sitting in a tin shed. You do, of course, get frequency dropout in quiet sounds with both tape and vinyl.

So, in digitising wax, I'm trying to improve on what the needle reads. First sample the whole record into Audition, making sure the signal peaks at around -3dB. Second, identify an area with nothing but hiss and crackles (usually right at the start), and use that as a template for what to remove in Audition's crackle remover. Third, create a noise profile for the pre-amp hum, and attenuate it by 75-100%.

Forth, the clever bit. Apply high levels of excitation (I use the Xcita VST from Elolonga) to the remaining tinny sound. The result almost certainly doesn't recreate the sound of pristine vinyl, let alone the studio tapes, but it is listenable to my jaded ears.
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Seven days till turkey day. We have no tree, tinsel or lights, and the presents never saw wrapping paper, but there will at least be a turkey, with trimmings, and gathered family to eat too much of it.

Not that any of us especially likes turkey, or being in the same room as relatives. But that's the meaning of tradition - you don't remember why you do it, you don't like doing it, and it all seems faintly absurd, but it somehow makes you feel comfortable and safe that you do it anyway.

In other words: Bah Humbug.