Did I Miss It?

A quiet day, finished with an unexpected few hours with H. We won't get the chance to meet again for a while, so it was good we could say Au Revoir. He's growing a beard - a red sideburnless Richard Branson affair. Make him look...well...like a science teacher.

We talked about the issues I raised in the last entry, but didn't resolve them. He's going away for at least a week - home to Cumbria to see family and house. And I'm going to be occupied with music recording and trying to get jobs I don't want.

This time last year I was in a job I enjoyed, experiencing the most intense relationship of my life, getting slim and fit, and even thinking about getting a place of my own.

Now I have no real prospects of a decent job, feeling lonely because a relationship would be a bad idea, decidedly pudgy and unfit, and there's no way I can afford to move out.

For several months now I've had a feeling of being on the edge of some change. I wonder if the moment has already happened and passed me by. It's like the feeling that you walked straight past the person you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with, but your eyes didn't meet because you were looking in the wrong direction.

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