What Motivates Me

Two possibilities:

1) I tweeted something so profound and insightful, that within two hours five experts in business and economics were following me, providing valuable advice on how to manage my lifestyle.

2) I tweeted something containing the word "motivation", and within two hours five spambots were using twitter to sell me bullshit get-rich-quick scams.

Samples of their wisdom:

  • Self-Development & Making Money- Online Network Marketing

  • 6 Ways to cultivate confidence – Quantum Learning

  • Unlocking My Potential in Six Easy Steps

  • Why I Like to Hire Ugly People

  • Do you need good advertising? I did until I found a source that works AND it pays me money every week!

  • Want to know how to get a huge following on Twitter and make residual monthly income at the same time?

  • they say that science has a formula to get rich

  • here's PROOF: the Science to Getting Rich

  • Iam really excited about my new website. Check it out just for fun.

  • Give a teenager the gift of leadership

  • "Imagination is more important than knowledge" - Albert Einstein

If I hear that last quote one more time I'll...think of something really nasty to do about it.

In the meantime, the most polite reply I could come up with to these helpful people:

Fuck off spam. Fuck off bullshit ripoffs. Fuck off marketing vulture scum. Just FUCK. RIGHT. OFF.


  1. 'Why I Like To Hire Ugly People'? Nice to know I'm not completely unemployable, then.

  2. I thought there were 3 people with internet crushes on you...and an American boy who wants to come to England after seeing your photo. Doesn't sound ugly to me :-).

    Twitter is a very strange way to get to know someone. So not like blogs at all.

  3. I think twitter is my line in the sand. I'm past email, chugging away on blogs, and dig the social networks but I do not get twitter. I get aggrivated enough with friend updates on facebook. (Although most of my friends tend not to abuse it.) I'm not that interesting and neither are my friends. Well not enough to describe in a short sentence.

    And shoot, I'd travel to England for less than a pretty face.

  4. Speaking of lifestyle, what exactly is a "Lifestyle Coach"?

  5. @David: I think twitter is my line in the sand.

    And shoot, I'd travel to England for less than a pretty face.

    My answer mutated into a blog post of its own. But as for traveling, I'd happily travel to the states for a teaching job.

    @MJ: Speaking of lifestyle, what exactly is a "Lifestyle Coach"?

    Well, a coach is a kind of privately hirable public transport that takes you long distances. And "lifestyle" is a section in free magazines containing articles about absurdly expensive food and absurdly absurd clothes.

    So a lifestyle coach must be...a bullshit bus.

  6. I hate spam! Not the delicious, salty meat by product. I'm talking about that advertising bullshit that takes up space and wastes my time!

    I have to say though, that those spam tweets are fun if you apply the same rule used for fortune cookies fun: Just add "in bed" at the end of the sentence. It makes the spam funny! Try it!

  7. @Eroswings:

    *Quantum learning...in bed.

    *Science has a formula to get rich get rich...in bed.

    *The gift of leadership...in bed

    Yes, you're absolutely right, I see what you mean. In bed.

    There was a sort-of meme a a few years ago for adding "...from beyond the grave!" in the same way.

    *A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step...from beyond the grave!

    *I can make you rich...from beyond

    *Get more girls...in bed...from beyond the grave!


    *Get a Big Penis...From Beyond the Grave!

  8. I'd say I'll miss you on facebook but you didn't really do much...

  9. I joined because C wanted me to, so we could communicate online. Then C decided I was a horrible person and he didn't want to communicate with me at all.

    I think Facebook is useful only to people who spend at least an hour on it everyday. It's for immersion, not casual use.