A Row of Cabbages

I have:

* A ping-pong ball
* A scalpel (borrowed from father)
* A roll of sticky tape (borrowed from father)
* Some cotton wool
* A laptop (lent from mother)
* A pair of ear-enclosing headphones (lent from mother)
* Half an hour of pink noise

All the ingredients for a quiet night in. Or a wild night out. Or indeed both at the same time, depending on how things go.

The last time I tried something like this, it was an attempt to induce a synchronised gamma EEG state using panned white noise. What it actually generated was a panic attack, which I later learned is quite common.

Anyway, I'll let you know how my Ganzfeld experiment turned out.

Looking at my bank balance, I had a feeling it was somewhat lower than expected. In fact, about GBP400 lower. Now I know why.

The "Department of Works and Pensions", which pays living allowances to those like myself out of work, has developed a backlog. A six week backlog. Due to a lot of its former penpushers now being...out of work.

They have a special telephone number you can use to ask them to increase the priority of your case. It is permanently engaged.

However, by being bounced around various departments, you can (after twenty minutes of thirty seconds of JS Bach) get referred to the department that can tell you the other reason for the delay.

It's that they haven't yet sent me a vital form. The one where I confirm that, when I signed on three months ago, I wasn't still living in Bulgaria.

It seems they'd been paying me for a month before realising my presence in their office didn't constitute proof that I was in the country.

They assured me they had, by the sheerest coincidence, just that day sent me the form.

Harold Pinter, Eartha Kitt, Patrick McGoohan, Ricardo Montalban. Permanent fixtures of my muddled early life - suddenly not permanent after all.

It seems there are loads of horny young sex gods, all wanting to have sex with little old me. And the amazing thing is, they're all on BoysGo.Com. Some recent usernames and emails:

From hotprettyboy18: never been with a guy.. wanna try getting entered

From Jock27Cock: 27yr old jock here, hung and boned up

From MuscleJock24: big meat stud jock here

From hotAthlete21: let's hookup man boned

From TeenJockHung: up for some fun?

From SurferHung23: hung jock here u wanna play with it?

From studJock23: sup dude.. u up for some fun?

Nosing around for bargains on new laptops, I noticed a few things.

* The difference between 2.0GHz and 2.25GHz is about a hundred pounds.

* The difference between 667MHz memory and 800MHz is about ten pounds.

* The difference between a bright pink case and a cool black one is twenty three pounds. Identical specs - but one is macho matt black, and the other's a colour that makes Barbie look like a trucker.

So, price of manliness: GBP23, or USD33.


  1. Ha. I like how there is a California option to narrow the area search.

  2. De kie vi trovis rosan bruon? Mi volas aĆ­di tion.

  3. Mi kreis gxin uzanta Adobe Audition (laux Vikipedio).

    Gxi ne estas interesa sono - gxi similas(?) al tondro, aux bone neproksima trajno.

    La celo de la eksperimento estas "glatigxi" la sensoj, do la cerbo kreas sonojn kaj imagojn de interno.

  4. Don't be messing your mind when you sleep! Being awake does that for you!

    That last entry; I wasn't sure if you were comparing computers or the fellas sending the emails!

  5. Oh is it Saturday already?

    Come round to mine to collect your pressie.

    Happy Birthday!