Numb3rs

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"Eins zwei drei vier funf sechs sieben acht
Uno due treis quattro
One two
Ichi ni san chi
Adjin, dva, tri
Li, Tva, Tri"
- Kraftwerk, Numbers


"We have the right to go where we wish, with as many as we wish."
- Eldred, Babylon 5

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Friday

Today I did a "Habitual Residency" test for our beloved civil service. Here are some of the questions, together with answers that may or may not reflect what I actually wrote.

When did you first come to the UK?
In 1972. When I was born here.

Did you bring any belongings from outside the UK?
I left with a suitcase full of clothes, and came back with the same suitcase full of the same clothes.

Do you have any close relatives outside the UK?
You mean, why can't I go and sponge off some other country? Go fuck yourself.

How do you plan to support yourself?
I'm going to murder pointless bureaucrats like you and sell off your internal organs on ebay.

Why did you come to the UK?
It's my home you stupid twunt.

Is there anything else you want to tell us?
Remember how, when I signed on, I had to prove I officially existed by having a British passport? Go on - see if you can join the dots.

A year ago I spent fifty one days in another part of the EU, and now you've decided I need to prove I'm a "habitual resident" in a place I lived for thirty six years.

You seem to think I'm now a foreigner, and therefore need to beg for the privilege of staying in your illustrious country, so long as I promise not to spoil it with my fiendish foreign ways.

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Mother is trying Ubuntu. And Windows 7.

I'm wondering whether any of the programs I use actually need XP. Maybe they'd all work in Windows 2000?

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Saturday

I'm 37.

Have you ever noticed how, for a select few numerical ways to describe a person, we can just use the number and not the unit?

If I say "He's five-nine", I mean "He's five feet and nine inches tall". If I say "I'm 37", you know I'm talking about my age - as opposed to income, IQ score, or academic points.

Sometimes we use an indefinite article. I can say "She's a twelve" to mean "Her dress size is Twelve". "He's a seven" probably means "He wears size seven shoes". She's a double-D, her CD is a number one, and the song is a perfect ten.

I can't say "Bill's one hundred and forty" to describe how much he weighs - it's got to be "Bill's weighs one hundred and forty pounds". "She's a million" doesn't mean "She's a millionaire".

So it seems as far as the english language is concerned, age isn't something you have, or something you do - it's something you are. It defines you.

So it follows that today I suddenly became a different person. I'm thirty seven...going on seventeen...going on a hundred and seven.

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I got a fleecy wool shirt, a book of childrens stories (?) from mother, a bottle of rum from, er, a married male friend, and...a special Infomaniac post!

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