A New Calling


This one's both a bit of a rant and a bit technical.

I have a new phone.

Which is to say: I have a slightly crappy camera with an MP3 player, radio and phone built in. The terms of the contract are such that it'll cost me half as much as the old phone which did half as much - unless I use more than 100 minutes a month, in which case it'll cost me twice as much. If you see what I mean.

I've got the good people of Samsung to thank for two, um, innovations.

The first is that the fitting for the external (microSD) memory card...well, isn't external. You've got to literally take the phone apart to put your "easily portable" plug-in memory in place. And again when you want to put put new files on it - which you do with a fiddly, easy-to-lose little USB device.

Bluetooth is barely adequate - if incredibly slow - as a workaround, but there should be no need for any workaround.

The second...unovation...is a propitiatory form of USB that combines audio-out for headphones, power-in for recharging the battery, and standard USB comms for getting photos off the camera onto the laptop, and MP3s off the laptop into the phone. Very neat - one port covers three functions.

Except for the small details that:
(1) There's absolutely no need to invent yet another variant of USB to do it, because the already existing forms can do it perfectly well. The whole point of a Universal Serial Bus was to have just one format for all uses - now there's at least five.

(2) I now have a single pair of (slightly rubbish) headphones that'll plug into the phone, and one rechanger. So much for interchangability.

Of course, it can make good business sense to make your products incompatible with those of your competitors. It may not get you new customers much, but for the ones who chose your products first, they're chained to you.

Either that's what's happening here, or people who design phones aren't very smart. You decide.

Speaking of smart, and decision, you may be asking why Kapitano wasn't smart enough to decide on a different phone. The answer is there were a dozen phones available for the tariff scheme I wanted - most of which looked fantastic, had lots of lavish extra features I'd never use but no way of communicating with a computer at all.

I'm reminded of the Piers Anthony short story about the toaster which could clean your home and diagnose your neuroses, but refused to make toast.

Oh, and one phone boasted the best new idea of them all - a miniature typewriter keyboard for writing things longer than SMSes...with the letters arranged in a pattern used, so far as I know, in no other device in the world.

I don't mind learning to type, but I won't relearn it for every typewriter.


UPDATE: In two days, three people have told me they're never going to buy anything by Samsung ever again. The products are full of design flaws, batteries drain in a day, and firmware fixes are nonexistent.

It would be nice if they'd said all this two days previous, as I wouldn't now be stuck with a two year contract with a phone which looks great on paper, which is turning into a millstone.

6 comments:

  1. Samsung is notorious for its proprietary connections. Fortunately there is some mov't towards standardizing to micro USB. Samsung has a bad rap (at least here with Verizon) for having bad signal reception.

    I made a rapid transition from a simple phone that could only call and SMS/MMS to a full-blown smartphone (BlackBerry). I love it (although not the monthly plan costs). Resist Kapitano because suck you in!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @David: Samsung is notorious for its proprietary connections. Fortunately there is some mov't towards standardizing to micro USB.

    So people are telling me. They never thought to mention it when I said I was looking for a new phone, only afterwards. Hmmm.

    Oh, and they sold me a duff SD card to go in it. I spent most of last night trying to make it work. So tomorrow: Get them to replace the card, and spend another GBP13 on a Samsung-only USB cable.

    That way at least it won't take half an hour to copy the latest Rachel Maddow show by bluetooth.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Technology? Sucks, dunnit?! I have some sort of mobile (Nokia?) that I use to make frequent calls and send infrequent texts, plus take the occasional photo. Should I want for more?

    Remember, dear Krapitano - the key to happiness is to keep your expectations low! But then, having listened to a couple of your songs, I guess you know that already...

    ReplyDelete
  4. @TEFL Tradesentrance:
    I have some sort of mobile (Nokia?) that I use to make frequent calls and send infrequent texts, plus take the occasional photo. Should I want for more?

    You mean...apart from the ability to film your students making out through a hole in the wall and make a website called SexyStudentSpy.Com to put them on so you can get rich by having pervs all over the world pay to watch?

    the key to happiness is to keep your expectations low!

    ...or your drug intake high.

    But then, having listened to a couple of your songs, I guess you know that already...

    Awww! You listened! You're such a sweetie, underneath :-).

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ok, i'm not a lawyer (thank the stars), but since a mobile phone contract is a credit agreement, by law it must have a 21-day 'cooling off' period during which you're allowed to change your mind for any reason. You would have to return the phone, obviously, and you'd also have to pay for anything you've used (minutes, texts, data charges etc), but the company can't legally enforce the contract, assuming you signed less than 21 days ago. Trading Standards (number in the phone book, as they always say on those Watchdog-style programmes) will be able to advise you on what your rights are, and how to go about cancelling the contract (probably a recorded-delivery letter to the company's head office - it always is).

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Aethelread:

    Indeed - I just thought it would be a somewhat fraught process. I spent most of today discovering that it's relatively easy - though not necessarily fast.

    ReplyDelete