Error: Life Not Found

Kapitano's life is offline at the moment.

We apologise for the inconvenience caused by:

  • Bureaucracy

  • Incontinent dogs

  • A slight sniffle caused by unexpected rainfall during otherwise quite pleasant oral sex.

  • Housework that absolutely, positively has to be done this minute.

  • People whose livelihoods rely on someone undoing five years of computer non-maintenance, in return for tea and biscuits.

We will return you to what Kapitano is supposed to be doing as soon as the forms, dog medicine, human medicine, vacuum cleaners and boot sectors are all sorted out.


  1. I'll send over one of my houseboys to sort your crevice attachment.

  2. You're far, far too nice. Now, if it were tea, biscuits and a nice crisp twenty pound note, then that would be reasonable for sorting out dire computy problems.

  3. @MJ:

    Just the one? Well I suppose we all have to make sacrifices.


    Tea, biscuits, and the promise of a share in the money when there is any...

    ...and a remark that they're very grateful because I'm helping them do important work, and because it's so important they hope they can rely on me to drop everything and do it again whenever they need.

    If they call tomorrow, I'll tell them to go fuck themselves.

    Friendship has it's limits, and being told that my being "too busy" drop everything is an "excuse" is one of them.

  4. Don't be too long. We'll only ending up having to talk amongst ourselves.

    As a non-tech person, I make sure I lavish my tech friends with lots of praise, wine and worship. Anything less would be rude.