Ancestor Worship

The closest I have to an ancestral home is a Yorkshire town called Selby. Apparantly one of my great great grandfathers was the duke (or possibly earl) of the place.

It's famous for being the site of a particularly bad rail crash in 2001, though as the residents will indignantly tell you, the train actually crashed in a nearby village - the wonderfully named Great Heck. It's also famous for producing one particularly violent serial killer, and having a very large and unpopular coal power station which gave it's name to a James Bond villain - Drax.

So, clearly a place with a heritage. It also has a football club, a rugby club, and a newspaper to report on them.

The paper also covers potential acts of terrorism agsinst the power plant by "hardcore activists":

Police and power chiefs remain on stand-by alert after intelligence revealed up to 50 eco-warriors from across Europe may launch a second raid to halt plant production. [...]

Assistant Chief Constable Peter Bagshaw [...] revealed: "Intelligence has confirmed there was a hardcore group of 40 or 50 activists determined to cause a shut down at Drax. They were prepared to use tools, weapons and life-threatening techniques to achieve their aims.

"Intelligence indicates the group were disappointed at not being able to achieve their publicly-stated intention of shutting Drax and may still attempt to do so." [...]

Station head of external affairs Melanie Wedgbury said yesterday: "The safety of our employees, all visitors to the site and security of supply are always our top priorities. If we hear of any plans to disrupt operations we will take all necessary advice and act accordingly.

Evil European fanatics, fancy weapons, and "Intelligence" with a capital "I". This really is James Bond country. But if you fear for the future, Russell Grant has the answer:

Call me on the Capricorn line 0905 062 3549 to hear why a new friend might try to interfere in matters that are none of their business and you'll need to keep them in line in a tactful and diplomatic manner towards the end of the week or risk losing your new pal.

And when you've learned that "RESIDENTS breathed a sigh of relief after plans to move a phone mast near their homes as part of Selby town centre redevelopment were turned down", you can read the classified ads, but not for anything so undignified as lonely hearts.

Inevitably, Selby has local radio - still due to start 2 months ago...as soon as they get a frequency allocated. There's a college too, but the website is down.

The town council site keeps locals up to date on such things as the Selby Watercolour Society Annual Exhibition, the "Sloppy Slipper" campaign to persuade old people to buy new slippers because their old ones might cause accidents, and by-election results where - unbelievably and astoundingly - the conservative party won again.

So that's were my forefathers swore their mighty deeds, and that's where my birthright lies unclaimed. Now you know why.