If we see one male lion mounting another, there are a large number of possible interpretations. For instance:
* They are lovers and long term partners
* This is consensual gay sex
* It's rape
* It's a display of social dominance and submission
* It's social bonding
* It's the result of no females being available
* One is practicing for reproductive sex, using the other for a 'dry run'.
* They are playing
What seems to be an obviously sexual act, can have plausible (and perhaps even true) nonsexual functions.
However, the converse is also true. If we take a human activity like smoking, marathon running, drinking beer with friends, demonstrating against the government, or engaging in 'retail therapy', all these have possible sexual explanations. Indeed, much of the pseudoscientific side of psychoanalysis is concerned with positing such explanations.
In a world where girls fall in love with popstars and ponies, and boys read magazines about guns or bodybuilding, the various disciplines of psychology, sociology, and cultural theory are in the dark ages.
Fuck Me You Animal
There are two reasons animal behavior is studied. The first is to gain understanding of the natural world, sometimes to control it. The second is to answer ethical questions about human behavior. The first is useful, the second misguided.
The reasoning might be that, because some animals engage in same-sex sexual activity, it is natural for humans to do so to, therefore not morally wrong. However, there are different, equally valid inferences which can be drawn from the same data.
One is that "homosexuality" in animals - and indeed sexuality in general - is more about social bonding than reproduction, and therefore sexuality in humans is similar, and therefore social restrictions against homosexuality, polygamy, and "Sluttishness" are counterproductive.
A third possible interpretation is that animals show a moral degeneracy, contracted from contact with immoral humans, and therefore humans should try to set them a better example. A fourth is that homosexuality is part of primative animal sexuality, and therefore humans who do it are unevolved brutes.
All these lines of reasoning are nonsensical because they try to derive 'what ought' from 'what is' - they try to base ethics in empiricism. Indeed, they treat each fact as having an indissoluable ethical value - that animals are 'less evolved', that human society is 'corrupt' or 'ungodly', or that 'alturism is desirable'.
Facts do not contain values. Values are not a type of fact. Facts can be observed and interpreted, values can only be ascribed.
Another problem is the selectiveness of the reasoning. Someone may argue that, because some anthropoids practice something analogous to polygamy, the notion of monogamous marriage is untennable. The problem is that some anthropoids practice infanticide, but parallel reasoning is not used here.
It is entirely possible to reach a correct (or "just") moral conclusion be reasoning invalidly from correct empirical statements. Conservative attitudes towards homosexuality and polygamy are indeed incohearant, insupportable, and do great harm. My point is that using evidence from animal behavior to attack these positions must fail.
It fails because (a) it is illogical and (b) diametrically opposed conclusions can be drawn using the same illogical reasoning from the same evidence.
The reasoning might be that, because some animals engage in same-sex sexual activity, it is natural for humans to do so to, therefore not morally wrong. However, there are different, equally valid inferences which can be drawn from the same data.
One is that "homosexuality" in animals - and indeed sexuality in general - is more about social bonding than reproduction, and therefore sexuality in humans is similar, and therefore social restrictions against homosexuality, polygamy, and "Sluttishness" are counterproductive.
A third possible interpretation is that animals show a moral degeneracy, contracted from contact with immoral humans, and therefore humans should try to set them a better example. A fourth is that homosexuality is part of primative animal sexuality, and therefore humans who do it are unevolved brutes.
All these lines of reasoning are nonsensical because they try to derive 'what ought' from 'what is' - they try to base ethics in empiricism. Indeed, they treat each fact as having an indissoluable ethical value - that animals are 'less evolved', that human society is 'corrupt' or 'ungodly', or that 'alturism is desirable'.
Facts do not contain values. Values are not a type of fact. Facts can be observed and interpreted, values can only be ascribed.
Another problem is the selectiveness of the reasoning. Someone may argue that, because some anthropoids practice something analogous to polygamy, the notion of monogamous marriage is untennable. The problem is that some anthropoids practice infanticide, but parallel reasoning is not used here.
It is entirely possible to reach a correct (or "just") moral conclusion be reasoning invalidly from correct empirical statements. Conservative attitudes towards homosexuality and polygamy are indeed incohearant, insupportable, and do great harm. My point is that using evidence from animal behavior to attack these positions must fail.
It fails because (a) it is illogical and (b) diametrically opposed conclusions can be drawn using the same illogical reasoning from the same evidence.
...four, three, two...
One long day. What wasn't spent sleeping was spent with FDISK, Partition Magic, Windows 98, Windows 2000, and a hard disk that refused to format in NTFS. I finally have a workable system, with the boot partition formated to FAT32, and the others to NTFS.
Tomorrow there's a film viewing of Battleship Potemkin which I am being regularly reminded to attend. And the day after, I get to meet my new jobsearch advisor. Just when I don't need more pointless things to do.
Tomorrow there's a film viewing of Battleship Potemkin which I am being regularly reminded to attend. And the day after, I get to meet my new jobsearch advisor. Just when I don't need more pointless things to do.
...seven, six, five...
Sometimes it's useful to have more than one computer. I've just spent the last six hours trying to reinstall Windows 2000 on my own system, and after two complete installs, numerous uses of the MS-DOS FDISK and FORMAT commands, and several partitioning schemes, I don't have a hard disk that works, let alone an operating system. I'm writing this on my mother's computer.
It is my life's ambition to have a computer that doesn't slow down to a crawl every few months, or contract nonremovable spyware and popups, or crash at odd moments with no more explanation than an impossibly cryptic error message. It would also be nice if it didn't become senile just when I need it most.
It is my life's ambition to have a computer that doesn't slow down to a crawl every few months, or contract nonremovable spyware and popups, or crash at odd moments with no more explanation than an impossibly cryptic error message. It would also be nice if it didn't become senile just when I need it most.
Ten, nine eight...
Chatted for the first time in ages on IRC with Nick. I'd forgotten how much I missed his company - even on the other side of a screen filled with words. He's got two gigs coming up, the second one a benefit concert for the tsunami appeal, and we may be able to perform together. The stage debut of our much delayed synthpop duo 'The K Twins'.
Okay. I can now finally get around to reinstalling windows. After making sure that all the files are backed up. And then making sure the backup disc isn't corrupt. And then finding a few files I'd forgotten to back up.
I'm singing in a pub with some other bands on the 12th, which gives me about a week to put together 17 minutes worth of backing material, some of it from scratch. Though I'm supposed to be studying my maths books. Oh well, if absolutely necessary, I'll reuse the backing CD from the SFUK2004 gig.
While wasting time browsing through other people's blogs, I found http://nodirtykitty.blogspot.com/. A gay arts graduate with little tolerance of pretention - which I can cirtainly identify with. And a superfit HIV+ black man living in Texas, which is more difficult.
Okay. I can now finally get around to reinstalling windows. After making sure that all the files are backed up. And then making sure the backup disc isn't corrupt. And then finding a few files I'd forgotten to back up.
I'm singing in a pub with some other bands on the 12th, which gives me about a week to put together 17 minutes worth of backing material, some of it from scratch. Though I'm supposed to be studying my maths books. Oh well, if absolutely necessary, I'll reuse the backing CD from the SFUK2004 gig.
While wasting time browsing through other people's blogs, I found http://nodirtykitty.blogspot.com/. A gay arts graduate with little tolerance of pretention - which I can cirtainly identify with. And a superfit HIV+ black man living in Texas, which is more difficult.
Trivia
Where there are minor difficulties, there are those who exagerate them into insurmountable catastrophes. Where there are major disasters, there are those who trivialised them.
Some people trivialise by making an international situation reflect their personal gripes. It may be true that corporate greed cause your local bus service to be cut, making you stand for 30 minutes in a bus shelter. But the same greed causes millions to die of AIDS in Africa because they couldn't pay the full (inflated) price for the drugs.
The mass media trivialises an earthquake by focusing on a pair of holidaymakers who escaped.
And then there are the conspiracy theorists and alien colonisation nuts. Here's part of an email I recieved today, from the REDPOLITICS list.
>With a sadistic psychopath surrounded by nazionistic psychopaths
>in the white house, ANY hitherto unthinkable crime can and must
>be considered a realistic possibility.
>
>Like their test piece, 9/11, a tsunami catastrophe implies very
>great strategic opportunities for their imperial and depopulation
>schemes,
[snip pages of incohearant rambling]
130,000 people dead through a meaningless act of god. No malice, no evil, just geology. The tokenism of help from other governments could indeed be described as evil. But to treat the forces of nature as a manifestation of global greed - that trivialises both the force of the tsunami and the loss of life, by turning both into a finger pointing accusingly at some politicians.
I'm quite fond of dumb conspiracy theories - as a tourist in the land of the mad. They are a good barometer of fashions in obsession and hangups. This kind of thinking was expected, but it's still uncomfortable.
Some people trivialise by making an international situation reflect their personal gripes. It may be true that corporate greed cause your local bus service to be cut, making you stand for 30 minutes in a bus shelter. But the same greed causes millions to die of AIDS in Africa because they couldn't pay the full (inflated) price for the drugs.
The mass media trivialises an earthquake by focusing on a pair of holidaymakers who escaped.
And then there are the conspiracy theorists and alien colonisation nuts. Here's part of an email I recieved today, from the REDPOLITICS list.
>With a sadistic psychopath surrounded by nazionistic psychopaths
>in the white house, ANY hitherto unthinkable crime can and must
>be considered a realistic possibility.
>
>Like their test piece, 9/11, a tsunami catastrophe implies very
>great strategic opportunities for their imperial and depopulation
>schemes,
[snip pages of incohearant rambling]
130,000 people dead through a meaningless act of god. No malice, no evil, just geology. The tokenism of help from other governments could indeed be described as evil. But to treat the forces of nature as a manifestation of global greed - that trivialises both the force of the tsunami and the loss of life, by turning both into a finger pointing accusingly at some politicians.
I'm quite fond of dumb conspiracy theories - as a tourist in the land of the mad. They are a good barometer of fashions in obsession and hangups. This kind of thinking was expected, but it's still uncomfortable.
And so it begins. You have forgotten something.
Nick and I both got our songs finished and submitted. He says his is in the vein on Nick Cave (and, presumably, The Bad Seeds), but as I can't call to mind their sound, I can't judge. It's a good little song of lost love, somehow mawkishly bleak. I really wish I could write lyrics that easily.
Mine came out pretty well, with two small problems. First the vocals are mixed too low. And second, all the production tricks that I used to make it loud...seemed to make it quiet.
So, I spent several hours today revisiting and refining softknee compressors, hard limiters, and the mathematical artistry involved in using them. I still don't really understand them well enough to know which paramaters are helpful for which genre.
An email arrived from H. He thinks I'm as grumpy in cyberspace as in real life - which is probably true. Sometimes he's so kind, intelligent, and modest about it I could happily spend each night cuddled up to him. And sometimes he's so blithly life-affirmative I want to grind my teeth. Sounds like a lot of successful couples I've met.
Oh yes. The new year's party. I have vague recollections of getting very drunk very quickly, arguing about the laws of probability applied to extraterrestrial life, arguing about whether or not the english are accent snobs, communally hating George Bush and the whole 'empire' attitude, embarassing Jon Snape by kissing him, embarassing Max by kissing him, and getting home with a muzzy headache and a mouth like mouldy newspaper.
I've just reinstalled Windows 2000 yet again on one computer, and now I'm going to reinstall it on this computer. Happy New Year. Goodnight.
Mine came out pretty well, with two small problems. First the vocals are mixed too low. And second, all the production tricks that I used to make it loud...seemed to make it quiet.
So, I spent several hours today revisiting and refining softknee compressors, hard limiters, and the mathematical artistry involved in using them. I still don't really understand them well enough to know which paramaters are helpful for which genre.
An email arrived from H. He thinks I'm as grumpy in cyberspace as in real life - which is probably true. Sometimes he's so kind, intelligent, and modest about it I could happily spend each night cuddled up to him. And sometimes he's so blithly life-affirmative I want to grind my teeth. Sounds like a lot of successful couples I've met.
Oh yes. The new year's party. I have vague recollections of getting very drunk very quickly, arguing about the laws of probability applied to extraterrestrial life, arguing about whether or not the english are accent snobs, communally hating George Bush and the whole 'empire' attitude, embarassing Jon Snape by kissing him, embarassing Max by kissing him, and getting home with a muzzy headache and a mouth like mouldy newspaper.
I've just reinstalled Windows 2000 yet again on one computer, and now I'm going to reinstall it on this computer. Happy New Year. Goodnight.
Goodbye 4, Hello 5
Not quite the new year yet, but when the clock reaches one second past midnight, I will probably be too drunk to write anything. Plus, I won't be near a computer.
I've submitted 'Run Faster' to SongFight, and with luck Nick will finish 'The Pawnbroker's Daughter' in time for the midnight deadline. So, fingers crossed, we'll see in the new year with a song. Even though his song is about losing love, and mine is about having too much.
I tried out a number of production tricks suggested at http://www.tweakheadz.com/. Specifically, each track is softknee compressed, as opposed to the entire song, and each track has either the left or right side delayed by 0.5 - 8 milliseconds. The result is fatter synths and drums, clearer seperation, a louder overall sound, and a lot of hours spent messing around in Audition making it happen.
Ironically, I think the weakest part of the song is the song itself - the lyrics and singing.
CW postponed our meeting last night, claiming 'lethargy and sociaphobia'. Plausible in his case. H is returning on the third.
Tomorrow I'll have to hail the new year by doing what I seem to spend too much time doing - reinstalling Windows 2000, on two computers. And after that it's back to politics, protest, and the party - the named and counted dead of Iraq, and the unnamed and uncounded dead of Asia.
Odd that I'm spending tonight with the very people I know from political activity. Who turn out to be the same people I know from the art world. Jon Snape called me a few days ago. He's setting up a forum for artists who want to know about art theory, and as I'm an art theorist - well, I've got a masters degree in the subject, apparantly - he thought of me.
So, I should have some lectures to give in the coming months. Eventually, paid ones.
Well. No flowery sendoffs to the old, or overoptimistic welcomes to the new. No way to bridge the gulf between the personal and the political. No sense of panacea or certain doom. I'll see you tomorrow.
I've submitted 'Run Faster' to SongFight, and with luck Nick will finish 'The Pawnbroker's Daughter' in time for the midnight deadline. So, fingers crossed, we'll see in the new year with a song. Even though his song is about losing love, and mine is about having too much.
I tried out a number of production tricks suggested at http://www.tweakheadz.com/. Specifically, each track is softknee compressed, as opposed to the entire song, and each track has either the left or right side delayed by 0.5 - 8 milliseconds. The result is fatter synths and drums, clearer seperation, a louder overall sound, and a lot of hours spent messing around in Audition making it happen.
Ironically, I think the weakest part of the song is the song itself - the lyrics and singing.
CW postponed our meeting last night, claiming 'lethargy and sociaphobia'. Plausible in his case. H is returning on the third.
Tomorrow I'll have to hail the new year by doing what I seem to spend too much time doing - reinstalling Windows 2000, on two computers. And after that it's back to politics, protest, and the party - the named and counted dead of Iraq, and the unnamed and uncounded dead of Asia.
Odd that I'm spending tonight with the very people I know from political activity. Who turn out to be the same people I know from the art world. Jon Snape called me a few days ago. He's setting up a forum for artists who want to know about art theory, and as I'm an art theorist - well, I've got a masters degree in the subject, apparantly - he thought of me.
So, I should have some lectures to give in the coming months. Eventually, paid ones.
Well. No flowery sendoffs to the old, or overoptimistic welcomes to the new. No way to bridge the gulf between the personal and the political. No sense of panacea or certain doom. I'll see you tomorrow.
Crass Distraction
I can't deal with global issues. They won't fit into my brain. 100,000 dead people is just an unimaginable abstraction - 100,000 anything is unimaginable. The idea of a small country owing billions of dollars to a big country that owes trillions. Destroying a civilisation to build a dozen oil wells. Embarking on a project of industrialised genocide when it becomes clear the war is lost. Two sides building ever more weapons to dissade each other from using them.
Music, friendship, computers. Sex, food, people. These things I understand and can deal with. These things that make life worth living. But the concept of literally half the population of an African country having AIDS, or locking up hundreds of thousands for possessing a harmless drug.
I understand the cause. But the motive is incomprehensible.
Music, friendship, computers. Sex, food, people. These things I understand and can deal with. These things that make life worth living. But the concept of literally half the population of an African country having AIDS, or locking up hundreds of thousands for possessing a harmless drug.
I understand the cause. But the motive is incomprehensible.
Sick
The Pope has said of the earthquake and tsunami, "This will be a sad christmas". Yes, your holiness. President Bush says he will 'consider' any applications for aid made by the affected countries. British television screens are now filled with celebrities asking the public to donate their cash.
So, the head of one of the largest multnationals in the world - the catholic church - offers his sympathy. The president of the only superpower will graciously think about helping. And the worst humanitarian disaster in living memory will be solved by your and my pocket money.
So, the head of one of the largest multnationals in the world - the catholic church - offers his sympathy. The president of the only superpower will graciously think about helping. And the worst humanitarian disaster in living memory will be solved by your and my pocket money.
Dreaming of a Shite Christmas (Song)
How can a pop song about tragedy or politics be anything but trite? Today there was a giant earthquake near Indonesia - 8.9 on the richter scale, and 9000 confirmed dead already. For the last year, iraqi civillians and american soldiers have been killing each other. The allies in WW2 knew about the concentration camps, and did nothing. How could I possibly mould these events into a structure with verses, choruses, rhymes and scansion?
20 years after the original Band Aid single, the song has been rerecorded again. The lyrics are simplistic and full of sugar - "At christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade"..."in our world of plenty...throw your arms around the world". I'm not saying Band Aid and Live Aid were worthless - of course they weren't. I'm just saying that "Feed the world" and "We are the world" aren't much good considered as songs as opposed to fundraising events.
Two Tribes, by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, was credited at the time with summing up the cold war mentality. But what is being sung? "When two tribes go to war, one is all that you can score"..."Are we living in a land, where sex and horror are the new gods?". And as for John Denver getting mawkish over a schoolteacher dying in a spaceship, that's just embarassing.
On the other hand, there is a difference between capturing the situation in a soundbite, and wrapping doggeral around it. Faithless make a simple but valid point when they say "Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction". Bob Dylan cut through a lot of verbiage with "New boss, same as the old boss".
Songs (especially three minute pop songs) can't present complex political arguments - they can only present the simplest conclusions of those arguments.
"Give peace a chance" says nothing about the causes of war, the arms economy, or the human and economical costs of having your country bombed. It presents the conclusion reached after a lot of thought, not the premises or the reasoning itself.
20 years after the original Band Aid single, the song has been rerecorded again. The lyrics are simplistic and full of sugar - "At christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade"..."in our world of plenty...throw your arms around the world". I'm not saying Band Aid and Live Aid were worthless - of course they weren't. I'm just saying that "Feed the world" and "We are the world" aren't much good considered as songs as opposed to fundraising events.
Two Tribes, by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, was credited at the time with summing up the cold war mentality. But what is being sung? "When two tribes go to war, one is all that you can score"..."Are we living in a land, where sex and horror are the new gods?". And as for John Denver getting mawkish over a schoolteacher dying in a spaceship, that's just embarassing.
On the other hand, there is a difference between capturing the situation in a soundbite, and wrapping doggeral around it. Faithless make a simple but valid point when they say "Wicked mind is a weapon of mass destruction". Bob Dylan cut through a lot of verbiage with "New boss, same as the old boss".
Songs (especially three minute pop songs) can't present complex political arguments - they can only present the simplest conclusions of those arguments.
"Give peace a chance" says nothing about the causes of war, the arms economy, or the human and economical costs of having your country bombed. It presents the conclusion reached after a lot of thought, not the premises or the reasoning itself.
So here it is...
So what have I done this year? Started singing, and writing songs. Worked for a university, and become self employed. Fallen insanely in love, and recovered. Recorded a lot of TV shows in DivX, and radio shows in MP3. Watched wars in eastern europe, and watched the media fill with peurille propaganda. Met another man I used to think I loved, and one I want to live with.
This time last year, I was 15 stone, and decided I'd join a gym in the new year. I did, and lost a stone, which I've gained back. I was 31, and involved in the antiwar movement. Now I'm 32, and still involved, still calling myself a marxist. I spent last christmas with my parents, just like every christmas. In half an hour, we will exchange gifts, clink glasses, and watch a film.
I don't know why, but somehow, I can't help feeling a sense of hope.
This time last year, I was 15 stone, and decided I'd join a gym in the new year. I did, and lost a stone, which I've gained back. I was 31, and involved in the antiwar movement. Now I'm 32, and still involved, still calling myself a marxist. I spent last christmas with my parents, just like every christmas. In half an hour, we will exchange gifts, clink glasses, and watch a film.
I don't know why, but somehow, I can't help feeling a sense of hope.
Not Christmas Music
H is on a train to his family and CW is fully occupied with job and christmas, so I've got the peace and time to write a song about them. "Run Faster" is for the final songfight of the year, after which I will get down to studying maths. Promise. This time.
I'm shamelessly ripping off What's On Your Mind by Information Society, while experimenting with Frequency Modulation Synthesis. It seems to be good for crunchy bass, smooth vocal strings, and pseudo rock guitar.
This is the first draft of the lyrics:
A lonely room, a crowded mind
And caught between two friends
One to hold, one to betray
Decision to be made
One has been around the world
One seems still a child
We all know what I have to do
Close my eyes and chose
To stay the same
I run faster
A man cannot serve two masters
I flip a coin
But don't call
Just sit and stare at the wall
Are they using me? Am I using them?
Where did I go wrong?
Take a chance or be alone
Before you turn to stone
One is sleeping on a train
One is just a call away
Is it wrong for just a while?
Pick up the phone and dial
I'm shamelessly ripping off What's On Your Mind by Information Society, while experimenting with Frequency Modulation Synthesis. It seems to be good for crunchy bass, smooth vocal strings, and pseudo rock guitar.
This is the first draft of the lyrics:
A lonely room, a crowded mind
And caught between two friends
One to hold, one to betray
Decision to be made
One has been around the world
One seems still a child
We all know what I have to do
Close my eyes and chose
To stay the same
I run faster
A man cannot serve two masters
I flip a coin
But don't call
Just sit and stare at the wall
Are they using me? Am I using them?
Where did I go wrong?
Take a chance or be alone
Before you turn to stone
One is sleeping on a train
One is just a call away
Is it wrong for just a while?
Pick up the phone and dial
This Christmas I Gave You My Heart
Time with H gave me space to think about CW. All reason is against reviving an old relationship. Firstly, relationships need to be based on current needs, not a desire to make up for past mistakes. Second, CW has his own boyfriend, who he says is emotionally very fragile and would be devastated. Third, CW is an exhausting, insecure, unpredictable person and I don't have the strength (or time) to cope with him.
I would like to have CW as a friend - and although what he needs is a friend, what he wants is a lover.
This situation might resolve itself. I've left messages on CW's phone, and he hasn't got back to me. When we were drunk and holding hands, he said he could imagine only two scenarios - either we have a full relationship, or we never see each other again. Nothing in between. Maybe he's chosen the latter.
H and I saw 'The Incredibles' at the cinema. We were both dubious, but it's a very fun and funny film. It was recommeded to him by his last boyfriend, who he still cares about deeply. Yes, there is a cirtain symmetry.
Apart from all this, I spent the day fixing various computers of comrades. It's nice to know the local left rely on my small technical knowledge, and therefore I play a small part in aiding the fight againt racism and corporatisaton. But...I'm supposed to be intensively studying maths and physics so I can have a career eventually, and I don't have the energy to do that and fight capitalism and fall in love all at the same time.
I would like to have CW as a friend - and although what he needs is a friend, what he wants is a lover.
This situation might resolve itself. I've left messages on CW's phone, and he hasn't got back to me. When we were drunk and holding hands, he said he could imagine only two scenarios - either we have a full relationship, or we never see each other again. Nothing in between. Maybe he's chosen the latter.
H and I saw 'The Incredibles' at the cinema. We were both dubious, but it's a very fun and funny film. It was recommeded to him by his last boyfriend, who he still cares about deeply. Yes, there is a cirtain symmetry.
Apart from all this, I spent the day fixing various computers of comrades. It's nice to know the local left rely on my small technical knowledge, and therefore I play a small part in aiding the fight againt racism and corporatisaton. But...I'm supposed to be intensively studying maths and physics so I can have a career eventually, and I don't have the energy to do that and fight capitalism and fall in love all at the same time.
I'm looking backwards for christmas
CW was my boyfriend at college twelve years ago. Two days ago he left a message on my telephone. Last night we met, and aften ten minutes were holding hands and cuddling. We were both drunk, and said a lot of unconsidered things.
I don't know what to do. Tonight I'm meeting H for the last time this year, before he goes to spend christmas with his family - maybe telling him about what happened will clarify my own feelings.
I don't know what to do. Tonight I'm meeting H for the last time this year, before he goes to spend christmas with his family - maybe telling him about what happened will clarify my own feelings.
Thinking about sex
Regarding Nurture/Nature debate over the causes of human sexual orientation...
If people are programmed genetically to have an orientation, this raises two questions. First, if orientation is set to an initial condition, why is it so changable thereafter? And second, what purpose - if any - might be served by genetic sexuality?
Sexuality is extremely susceptible to change, but the mechanisms and causes of this change are highly mysterious. We know that people develop new tastes and change old ones, but strangely, it seems impossible to deliberately create such a change. Contrast gay men who unexpectedly fall in love with a woman and start a family with the complete failure of the ex-gay movement.
If sexuality is preprogrammed, what is the point of it being randomly reprogrammable later? Conversely, if sexuality is fluid and constantly changing, what purpose is served by having several different initial position?
There may indeed be no panglossian purpose to genetic sexuality. Perhaps there was a purpose once, which is now out of date, but the structure remains. Or it may be some kind of by-product.
One possible solution is that sexuality is indeed preprogrammed, and it does serve a species-level purpose to have multiple sexual orientations in a society, including those which do not result in propagation. However, the 'glue' that binds a person to their programmed sexuality is weaker than would be ideal. This some people become detached, and float into a new orientation.
This reasoning requires that genetic adaptation (however imperfect) takes place in progeny with a view towards survival of the species, as opposed to the progeny of an individual. In other words, a simple 'selfish gene' model cannot be used. It may also require a notion of teleology to be reintroduced to evolution studies, which would be pseudoscientific.
Assuming variation in sexual orientation is not unique to humans, and assuming the purpose (whatever it is) of this variation is the same in humans as in nonhumans, they we have to ask: what is the point of a bisexual fruit fly? Let alone a gay banana?
If people are programmed genetically to have an orientation, this raises two questions. First, if orientation is set to an initial condition, why is it so changable thereafter? And second, what purpose - if any - might be served by genetic sexuality?
Sexuality is extremely susceptible to change, but the mechanisms and causes of this change are highly mysterious. We know that people develop new tastes and change old ones, but strangely, it seems impossible to deliberately create such a change. Contrast gay men who unexpectedly fall in love with a woman and start a family with the complete failure of the ex-gay movement.
If sexuality is preprogrammed, what is the point of it being randomly reprogrammable later? Conversely, if sexuality is fluid and constantly changing, what purpose is served by having several different initial position?
There may indeed be no panglossian purpose to genetic sexuality. Perhaps there was a purpose once, which is now out of date, but the structure remains. Or it may be some kind of by-product.
One possible solution is that sexuality is indeed preprogrammed, and it does serve a species-level purpose to have multiple sexual orientations in a society, including those which do not result in propagation. However, the 'glue' that binds a person to their programmed sexuality is weaker than would be ideal. This some people become detached, and float into a new orientation.
This reasoning requires that genetic adaptation (however imperfect) takes place in progeny with a view towards survival of the species, as opposed to the progeny of an individual. In other words, a simple 'selfish gene' model cannot be used. It may also require a notion of teleology to be reintroduced to evolution studies, which would be pseudoscientific.
Assuming variation in sexual orientation is not unique to humans, and assuming the purpose (whatever it is) of this variation is the same in humans as in nonhumans, they we have to ask: what is the point of a bisexual fruit fly? Let alone a gay banana?
Time for bed
I haven't slept for something like 30 hours, so now might be a good time to start.
I've got a cold and a sore throat, so couldn't record 'Phantom' in time for the songfight deadline. However, I've checked it with Andy Balham, and he's fine with using the backing for the next fight. I'll have to either create a new song for the new title, or tweak the existing lyrics. I think it'll be the latter - I'm far too lazy to write two songs in as many weeks.
Hopefully I'll be chatting with Nick on IRC around 2200 today (wednesday). It's been a while, and I'm looking forward to it.
I just had a very pleasant evening out with H. He says he rather liked the CD of my music I put together for him, especially the remix of Aaron Loveland's 'Think About It'. We don't know when we'll both be free again, but we'll arrange something soon. If a lover is someone you can't function for long without, a friend is someone you function better with. We are friends who don't have the energy to be lovers.
I've got a cold and a sore throat, so couldn't record 'Phantom' in time for the songfight deadline. However, I've checked it with Andy Balham, and he's fine with using the backing for the next fight. I'll have to either create a new song for the new title, or tweak the existing lyrics. I think it'll be the latter - I'm far too lazy to write two songs in as many weeks.
Hopefully I'll be chatting with Nick on IRC around 2200 today (wednesday). It's been a while, and I'm looking forward to it.
I just had a very pleasant evening out with H. He says he rather liked the CD of my music I put together for him, especially the remix of Aaron Loveland's 'Think About It'. We don't know when we'll both be free again, but we'll arrange something soon. If a lover is someone you can't function for long without, a friend is someone you function better with. We are friends who don't have the energy to be lovers.
Slow beginning
Okay, it seems I can't sing at all tonight. I've got a day and a half to record the vocals, mix them and the music tracks, and submit the song. But there's other things to do as well.
I'm doing the Open University short course 'Maths for Science', in preparation for a full length level 1 science course in the new year. I've always had a blind spot for mathematics, and it's proving more difficult that I expected to grasp such notions as "1/(5^-3)". There's no magic to confidence and competence with numbers, and there's nothing mysterious about having or removing a blind spot there. Even so, I didn't expect the concept of "dividing negative exponants" to be such an obstacle.
I'm doing the Open University short course 'Maths for Science', in preparation for a full length level 1 science course in the new year. I've always had a blind spot for mathematics, and it's proving more difficult that I expected to grasp such notions as "1/(5^-3)". There's no magic to confidence and competence with numbers, and there's nothing mysterious about having or removing a blind spot there. Even so, I didn't expect the concept of "dividing negative exponants" to be such an obstacle.
Begin again
This week in songfight I'm in collaboration with Andy Balham of Masters of Grip. He's put together a backing track of overdriven guitars, and I've thrown together some lyrics. Here they are:
VERSE 1:
I don't have a razor, I can't use a gun
Counting down the painkillers hundered to one
Note left on the tabletop for when you get back
Watch the minute hand, fade to black
CHORUS:
Ashes to acid, dust to rust
Zero to phantom, love to lust
Run to mother now, ape to man
Time to go now, if I can
VERSE 2:
There's no point in holding on, nothing will change
Where am I? Please tell me now. I'm feeling strange
Could that be your voice? I don't understand
Is that you holding my hand?
CHORUS 2:
Ashes to acid, dust to rust
alpha to omega, love to mistrust
Run to daddy now, boy to man
Time to go now, if I can
BREAK:
Just don't ask me why
There is no reply
Look me in the eye
And tell me how to say goodbye
CHORUS 3:
Ashes to acid, dust to rust
Zero to phantom, love to lust
Run to mother now, ape to man
Time to go now, if I can
It's 20:30, and I'm trying to record the vocal, without much success. Modulating my voice to sound like a teen skatepunk singer and cut through the guitars isn't so difficult, though I do keep slipping into a hybrid american drawl. The problem is keeping in tune - only odd syllables here and there slip out, but that's enough to ruin a take. And with my habit of tripple-tracking, that's a lot of takes.
I'm taking a break, letting my vocal cords recover, and pumping U96 into my ears.
Tomorrow I should be seeing H - going for a drink, a movie, and comparing complex lovelives. Last week I gave him a half-hour CD of my music - we'll see how diplomatic he is in his comments.
VERSE 1:
I don't have a razor, I can't use a gun
Counting down the painkillers hundered to one
Note left on the tabletop for when you get back
Watch the minute hand, fade to black
CHORUS:
Ashes to acid, dust to rust
Zero to phantom, love to lust
Run to mother now, ape to man
Time to go now, if I can
VERSE 2:
There's no point in holding on, nothing will change
Where am I? Please tell me now. I'm feeling strange
Could that be your voice? I don't understand
Is that you holding my hand?
CHORUS 2:
Ashes to acid, dust to rust
alpha to omega, love to mistrust
Run to daddy now, boy to man
Time to go now, if I can
BREAK:
Just don't ask me why
There is no reply
Look me in the eye
And tell me how to say goodbye
CHORUS 3:
Ashes to acid, dust to rust
Zero to phantom, love to lust
Run to mother now, ape to man
Time to go now, if I can
It's 20:30, and I'm trying to record the vocal, without much success. Modulating my voice to sound like a teen skatepunk singer and cut through the guitars isn't so difficult, though I do keep slipping into a hybrid american drawl. The problem is keeping in tune - only odd syllables here and there slip out, but that's enough to ruin a take. And with my habit of tripple-tracking, that's a lot of takes.
I'm taking a break, letting my vocal cords recover, and pumping U96 into my ears.
Tomorrow I should be seeing H - going for a drink, a movie, and comparing complex lovelives. Last week I gave him a half-hour CD of my music - we'll see how diplomatic he is in his comments.
Philosophy 101
The question "Where does a person go when they die?" is analogous to "Where
does your fist go when you open your hand?"
does your fist go when you open your hand?"
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