22:16 Thursday 23rd August 2018

Oh great, I'm depressed again.

Not unhappy, not lachrymose, not even emotional. Just lacking in willpower, determination, motivation.

I don't know why it happens, though I'm pretty sure blood sugar makes it worse, but I've had it recurrantly my entire life and I wish it would just go away. It's the flat batteries of the soul.

Here's another definition: The inability to rise above it. "It" is any minor setback or frustration, of the kind which happens to all of us several times a day, which ordinarily we'd be able to get over easily. The weather is hot and sticky, your shirt won't wash properly, the cup of coffee has sugar when you asked for it not to, your friend said they'd be away for half an hour but it's actually two hours, there's a power cut when you want to charge your phone, etc. etc.

Molehills become mountains. And you know they're still molehills, but you still can't climb them.

It sounds like oversensitivity, but it's actually a kind of <i>in</i>sensitivity. You can't grapple with the handholds of the mountain, because you're wearing boxing gloves. You can't engage, which means you can't cope, and you can't solve.


  1. I find playing with a fun pussycat helps me relax. Failing to find one, playing with an actual cat will also help me relax.