This Christmas I Gave You My Heart

Time with H gave me space to think about CW. All reason is against reviving an old relationship. Firstly, relationships need to be based on current needs, not a desire to make up for past mistakes. Second, CW has his own boyfriend, who he says is emotionally very fragile and would be devastated. Third, CW is an exhausting, insecure, unpredictable person and I don't have the strength (or time) to cope with him.

I would like to have CW as a friend - and although what he needs is a friend, what he wants is a lover.

This situation might resolve itself. I've left messages on CW's phone, and he hasn't got back to me. When we were drunk and holding hands, he said he could imagine only two scenarios - either we have a full relationship, or we never see each other again. Nothing in between. Maybe he's chosen the latter.

H and I saw 'The Incredibles' at the cinema. We were both dubious, but it's a very fun and funny film. It was recommeded to him by his last boyfriend, who he still cares about deeply. Yes, there is a cirtain symmetry.

Apart from all this, I spent the day fixing various computers of comrades. It's nice to know the local left rely on my small technical knowledge, and therefore I play a small part in aiding the fight againt racism and corporatisaton. But...I'm supposed to be intensively studying maths and physics so I can have a career eventually, and I don't have the energy to do that and fight capitalism and fall in love all at the same time.

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