Crosswired and Aimless

I think I know what depression is. At least, my particular form of depression. I just thought of it, but bear with me.

I'm happy when I've got a problem to solve. Not an arbitrary artificial problem, like a crossword or an IQ test. A real one, with defined parameters, that I can solve in a few minutes or a few hours.

Write a song with this structure, this tempo and this melody. Find out why this printer isn't working, and fix it. Read this article to find these bits of information.

Figure out how to make spaghetti in the kettle without gumming it up. Explain to this youtube commenter why they completely misunderstand genetics in 500 words or less. That kind of thing. I enjoy all these.

I'm unhappy when I've got...a different kind of problem. A large, unclearly defined, possibly insoluble problem.

Design a two week course for a group of students you haven't met yet and whose abilities, personalities and preferences you don't know. Write five songs in ten days. Advise someone on "the best laptop" they should buy, when they don't know what they'll want to do with it and aren't even sure how much money they want to spend.

Decide what I want to do with my life. Decide whether I want a boyfriend or not. Chose a mobile phone from the fifty almost interchangable models, none of which do everything I want - and some of which have specs that are, well, lies. That sort of thing. It just makes me want to give up and crawl under a rock.

So yes, I have a job. Namely...the two week course I mentioned. I have a free hand, no resources, no information, and only the vaguest possible preparation. And yes, it's depressing me.

All this time I thought I was aimless because I was depressed. Maybe I was depressed because I was aimless.


  1. Sorry to hear things aren't going great at the moment. I hope they get better soon.

    Oh, and btw - your two-week course will end up being awesome, i guarantee you. :o)

    Take care,

  2. Life can be overwhelming at times. Sometimes, you just need to vent and let it all out. Go ahead and scream. Then take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

    One step at a time. That's how you start a long journey.

    You'll find your groove and adapt as you go along. And don't forget to ask for help when you need it. You'll be fine. You just have to keep moving forward.

  3. I agree with eroswings... take it one thing at a time and simplify as much as possible.

    Advise that someone to go away until they know what they want in a computer.

    Chose a mobile phone at random - as you say, they are almost interchangeable.

    Don't stress too much about finding a direction for your life - just go where the wind takes you. Lots of us don't know what we want to be when we grow up.