Ad Break

You can tell a lot about someone by their personal ads. Usually you can tell they're no good at personal ads.

Rightly or wrongly, people tend to look first and judge most from the picture, giving the text only a cursory scan for hints of screwed up hangups or fetishes involving serrated objects.

So here on Blog Kapitano, a selection of M4M ad pics from the XXXBlackBook dating site - a site so successful its URL doesn't match its name, and it advertises itself by Twitter spam. Categorised for your convenience.

Category 1:

So Macho

Men who are rough, tough and manly. Men who open beer bottles with their teeth and eat tindaloo because they like it. Men whose only wish is that you know how more manly they are than you - in the hope it'll make you love them. But only in a manly way.

Category 2:

I'm Just So Like Kerr-azy, Man!

Men who secretly fear they'll cease to exist if they're not the center of attention all the damn time. Men who think being interesting is the same as being loud.

Category 3:

Find the Lady

Men who either:
(1) Do everything with their friends in tow, including romantic dates
(2) Aren't quite sure which one is them, or
(3) Don't quite get the concept of personal ads.

Category 4:

Art Student

It's nice to have a bit of artifice or inventiveness, even in the mundane. But the point of artistic skill is to draw attention away from itself - not to club you over the head with its cleverness. Especially when it isn't actually very clever.

Category 5:

Slightly Pervy

I think variety in sexuality is a good thing. I think self expression is good. I think neurotic inhibitions and shameful coyness are, as a rule, bad.

But I like my sex vanilla and boring. Sorry.

Category 6:

My Girlfriend Doesn't Know

  • Str8-but-curious
  • Bi-curious but could never love a man
  • My girlfriend won't do oral
  • My wife doesn't understand me
  • Some of my best friends are gay
  • Queers have the best music
  • Need to get drunk first
  • Completely hetero and loves women to bits - just really loves to suck cock sometimes, but it doesn't make him even a tiny bit gay, oh no.

Category 7:

You Did What!?

Men whose so-called friends set up a M4M for them as a joke, because they're so braindead they think that kind of thing's funny.

Category 8:


You know how ladyboys looks more like glamorous women than glamorous women? You know how M2F transexual prostitutes do more business than actual women? You know how some men live as women so effectively no one guesses? Well...this isn't quite like that.

Category 9:

I'm Not a Serial Killer.
You Do Believe Me, Don't You Clarice?

The eyes are the windows of the soul.

Category 10:

2 Kool 4 Skool

There's absolutely nothing wrong with teens having sex with each other. There's nothing inherantly wrong with a teen having sex with someone two or three times their age, if there's no pressure. Hey, I did have sex with men three times my age - and the only psychological scars are on those who told me it'd leave me with psychological scars.

But a kid of sixteen actively seeking out men of forty. Or the other way round. I can't help feeling that's just a bit creepy.

Category 11:

Yes I Do Know How to Use a Camera, Thank You Very Much

And finally, the largest category of them all. Not so much shutter-bugs and shutter-bugger-ups.


  1. This post should be used as a public service announcement.

    There's a whole lotta hydraulics going into category BOTH photos.

  2. and how would you call this.
    I know it's in Spanish, but this guy says he's looking for just sex. Yeah, that picture really turns me on. Sure.

  3. Ha! Category 5 look like they belong on MJ's Filthy Fridays!

    And Category 4, that first pic made me think chemotherapy.

    Category 9, serial killers eyes are following me!

    and who the hell wants to hook up with Category 11, don't know how to use a camera! No one wants to hook up anyone who doesn't know how to handle equipment and shoot properly!

  4. @MJ: This post should be used as a public service announcement.

    As in "Do you know any of these men? Do you perhaps sleep with them? If so, please call...The Samaritans before things get any worse?"

    @David: Which category do you fall under?

    My category is "Bored and frustrated with sex and men but still keeps trying occasionally."

    @Peloslocus: and how would you call this.

    It could be "One lie leads to another". Or "Horny all the time but all women want to use condoms and I can't stand them". Or "love rat wants to try something new".

    It could be "Poor guy, not very bright and needs someone to take care of him. Awww,"

    @Eroswings: No one wants to hook up anyone who doesn't know how to handle equipment and shoot properly!

    But sadly, most of us wind up doing just that.

    Who needs the real thing when you've got porn and a favourite toy? apparantly. Tonight :-(.