Facepalm Friday (19/06/09)

This edition of Facepalm Friday is a selection of things said personally to me over recent weeks.

A slow running clock is occasionally right, and the biggest moron in the world occasionally makes a good point.

The other side of the coin is that sometimes someone who really really ought to know better makes a damn fool of themselves, and for me, it's a lot more shocking when that happens.

"If you think nothing bad will happen to you, nothing will."
- Comrade 1

Bureaucrats are professionally dumb, in the same way that librarians are professionally quiet.

They may be quite smart people, but their job consists of asking dumb questions, translating the dumb answers into dumb cliches, filling out dumb forms that exist for dumb reasons, and trying to make the whole dumb system work while simultaneously pretending it isn't dumb and works already.

So sometimes they forget to switch off the autopilot.

"So you're looking for jobs abroad. Are you prepared to travel to other countries?"
- My jobsearch advisor

People ask me, "Kapitano, what is bullshit?", and I tell them, "Bullshit is saying things that don't mean anything, as though they're profound and important."

Howard Beale had a different definition, you may remember.

"The difference between God and the devil is, the devil gives you happiness, but God gives you joy."
- A mormon who tried to recruit me today

Mormons in recruiting mode are all identical. They're young, superficially friendly, and dressed in sharp office clothes that are almost painfully clean.

They're well scrubbed and trimmed themselves, with interchangeable haircuts and the kind of blank-faced politeness you get from teller machines and psychopaths. Think "Stepford Evangelicals". Oh, and they always travel in pairs.

"Marijuana isn't like God because marijuana takes away your agency."
- The other mormon

And finally, something I don't know how to adequately introduce.

"If you're a gay man, and you like looking at two men together, does that mean you like looking at two women together too?"
- Comrade 2



  1. I personally enjoy the Mormons and some are really like that. I'd be tempted to drink some of that kool-aid too if it wasn't for the weirder stuff that they believe in.

  2. Clearly, comarades 1 and 2 and jobsearch adviser have been smoking marijuana with the other Mormon.

    That's why Jesus wept.

  3. Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses are currently stalking my neighbourhood. Apparently it’s the converting season.