Reasons to be Cheerful

One, two, three...

1) I've just about finished cataloguing the last five years worth of computer stuff. Hundreds of CDRs and DVDRs of software, data and music, neatly reduced and sorted to thirty seven DVDRs and a searchable index.

Of course, that doesn't include the three hundred CDRS of stuff from before the last five years, or the new stuff from the last week...or the couple of hundred unsorted TV shows recorded a few years ago. But it feels pretty good anyway.

2) I've invented a cheap and simple way to stop the nasal breath noise that gets into headset microphones.

Get two thick rubber bands about ten inches each around and cut them in half. Now use elephant tape to join them, so you've got a double size band. For one of the joins, use eight inches of tape, wound around the band and stuck to itself, then looped back and stuck to create a two inch "pad".

The result is a kind of loose headband - you put it over your head, over the top of your ears, with the pad resting under your nose. It looks utterly preposterous, like the world's most unconvincing fake moustache.

And no, you're still not getting a photo. So there.

3) Quite a lot of men have suddenly emailed to say they'd love to have sex with me. Or as they put it, "I wanna drink u dry til the last drop".

It would be nice if they weren't all in another continent, but hopeless lust from afar, like unrequited love, can be better than the real thing.


  1. What is it about human beings that compels us to catalogue our existence? I have so many lists that I finally had to make a list of my lists! Sometimes I envy the squirrels in my back garden. They don’t need spreadsheets to keep track of where they hid their nuts—they just get on with enjoying themselves.

    Lucky you! No one seems to want to have sex with me. Perhaps if I utilise your invention to stop nasal breath noise I’d be more attractive partner—at least for phone sex. :-)

    And we demand a photo!

  2. We demand photos of you being drunk dry.