"It was not symbolic of anything.
This isn't that kind of movie."
- Orson Welles, "F for Fake"

About thirteen years ago, I'd just started living with a guy, and we were out on a romantic walk.

We stopped at a petrol station shop for drinks, and he asked me if there was anything else on the shelves which we were short of at home.

I said we were out of cheese, he said chose a package, I asked which he wanted, he said just chose whichever one you feel like.

There was one which was his favourite, but I chose another because we hadn't tried it yet. He sighed, and behaved the rest of the day as though I'd deeply disappointed him.

He spent the whole afternoon waiting for me to apologise. I spent the whole afternoon chatting breezily about random stuff, as though oblivious to his stony silence.

From his point of view, he was patiently waiting for the moment when I'd crack and do the right thing. From mine, the fact that I'd done nothing wrong became unimportant - because I'd discovered what fun it was to punish him for being an arsehole simply by pretending I hadn't noticed he was furious.


  1. Um...

    Two and a half years.

    It was one of those "I don't actually like you but I think I love you" things. I needed a mentor, he needed an anchor, we both needed a friend, but neither of us really needed the other.

    All I can say is, it seemed quite sensible at the time, and now seems bizarre that we managed to put up with each other for more than a month.

  2. Why do people always tell you to do what you think best and then get mad because you do it?

    So what was his favourite cheese?

    I adore cheese in almost all its forms. To me, it is one of three things (the others being wine and chocolate) which proves God loves me and wants me to be happy...and slightly inebriated. :-)

  3. We stopped at a petrol station shop for drinks

    A petrol station…part of any romantic walk.

  4. @MJ:

    We don't have many rolling hills or waterfalls where I live, but we do have quite a lot of cars.

    I'm not sure how there can be enough street space to house all the people with cars, but not enough for all the cars to be parked at the same time. Some mathematician has probably worked it out.


    I can't remember what type he liked - but it would have been something ever-so-slightly unconventional but not really.

    I'm a cheese-choc-wine fan. Though it turns out (recent research has shown) that any cheese makes different wines taste about the same. So maybe the cheese at cheese'n'wine parties is there to cover up the cheap wine.

    As for why people want you to be happy but only by liking what they like, I put it down to (a) confusion (b) insecurity and (c) being a bit silly.

  5. Clearly, you failed the obedience test of the relationship. You were supposed to say How high? when he said Jump!.