“Bureaucracy is the art of making the possible impossible”
- Javier Salcedo
“The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is its inefficiency.”
- Eugene J. McCarthy
“You will never understand bureaucracies until you understand that for bureaucrats procedure is everything and outcomes are nothing.”
- Thomas Sowell
Sat Dec 29 - Wed Jan 02:
It seems I had a Noro virus - together with (reportedly) a million other Britons. The genus is highly transmissible, mainly through personal contact or fecally contaminated water, and causes dehydrating diarrhea, vomiting, fever and general weakness.
It last a few days, takes two to develop, is contagious for two, and infection provides no lasting immunity.
Thr Jan 03:
There are two ways my visit to the jobcentre could have gone. It could have gone like this:
Advisor: So, have you been looking for work?
Kapitano: I found work a month ago, as you know perfectly well.
Adv: I still need to know you've been applying for other jobs.
Kap: There aren't any. That's why I'm leaving the country.
Adv: I still need...
Kap: You still need to pretend to look at a piece of paper that I pretend is a list of nonexistent jobs I've applied for. Here it is.
[Kap hands over a piece of paper. Adv doesn't look at it.]
Adv: Okay, now we're putting you on a course next week.
Kap: To teach me how to look for jobs.
Adv: Yes...
Kap: Which I already know how to do.
Adv: Yes, but...
Kap: As shown by the fact that I found one.
Adv: Yes, but you've got to go on it because you haven't started the job yet.
Kap: Why?
[Adv spends one second trying to grasp the question, then forgets it was ever asked.]
Adv: I'm booking you to start on Monday. If for any reason you don't attend, that may affect your benefit claim.
Kap: You mean if I don't jump through your idiotic hoops, you'll stop paying me support.
Adv: If for any reason...
Kap: I'm busy on Monday.
Adv: Doing what?
Kap: Flying to Moscow.
Adv: Yes well. If for any reason...
Kap: [walking away] Go screw yourself.
But in fact it went this way:
Advisor: So, have you been looking for work?
[Kap silently pushes a piece of paper at her. She doesn't look at it.]
Adv: We're putting you on a course next week.
[Kap stares vaguely at the photocopier]
Adv: You start on Monday, okay? Goodbye.
Kap: [Walking away] Go screw yourself.
Actually, the school got back to me later, explaining they were still on holiday, and were having red tape problems, so I wouldn't be leaving on Monday. More like ten days later - which happens to be my birthday.
Fine. I'm still to busy to bother with the bullshit of bureaucrats.
Oh, but tonight there's a party! It's the "Kapitano Go Away" party. I did wonder if that should be "Kapitano Going Away" but apparently it's correct.
Much drinking, much eating, much dancing and hopefully a little fornication. I'll report back...when I get over tomorrow's hangover.
No comments:
Post a Comment