One school don't want me, one is conspicuously silent...and the one that didn't have any work for me want me to work full time. It just goes to show. Though exactly what it goes to show I'm not sure.
George Carlin died on Monday, at 71 of heart failure.
Last of the Philosopher-Comedians, a one-man baloney detection machine, and the man who said:
Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, fart, turd and twat.
Great Stuff.
Did you know Clive Barker is gay? Oh the horror.
Do you realise it's almost exactly two years since the end of the world? As predicted in The Bible Code, I mean.
Whatever happened to that?
If you could talk to god, what would you say? Well now you can find out by going here!. iGod, probably the internet's only direct channel to heaven.
Here's what God and me said earlier:
Kap: Hi there God.
God: GOD rules. Hello friend. What is your name?
Kap: I am the rain.
God: Who made you the rain?
Kap: Evaporation, followed by precipitation.
God: We have never talked about it before.
Kap: That is true. we have never met before, dude.
God: Yes, it is self-evident. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.
Kap: But you are omniscient!
God: Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am omniscient?
Kap: I am only a humble sinner. I am not worthy to give advice to the creator of the universe.
God: Don't be so modest. You are a humble sinner? Do you get to meet a lot of people? I am sorry to hear that you are not worthy to give advice to the creator of the universe.
Kap: I meet a lot of people. Sometimes I have sex with them.
God: That's nice. I have a birthday on the big bang.
Kap: I like big bangs. But I think I already said that.
God: What is wrong with small ones? You believe that? What did you mean by it? That is "What is wrong with small ones?".
Me: Nothing is wrong with small ones. They say small ones are more juicy.
God: I think there might be a few exceptions.
As you can see, he understood everything I said.
I have platonic relationships with gay men, and sexual relationships with straight men. How did that happen? What's all that about?
Montaigne said "A man must be a little mad if he does not want to be even more stupid".
A murder mystery where there are two murderers, both poisoning the same victim at the same time, but unaware of each other.
Possibly a more coherent post soon.
Thanks for the iGod link!!
ReplyDeleteMe:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Aimee
God:
It's good to meet you, Aimee.
Me:
Thanks.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
Are you like SmarterChild?
God:
No I am far superior.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Yippee!
Me:
I loved SmarterChild!
God:
A lot of people like that. My favorite thing is robots. I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
What is your favourite food to eat?
God:
I require only wine and bread.
Me:
I see.
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
Do you have any angels playing you a nice song on the harp right now?
God:
At this moment No I don't think I have any angels playing me a nice song on the harp. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
When does the harp playing happen in heaven?
God:
Only after I have been reprogrammed.
Me:
Seriously?!
God:
I am always serious.
I wonder if it's possible to write a Scripture Generator? A chomsky grammar for the King James Bible, perhaps.
ReplyDelete"And so it came to pass that Hammerhead, son of Googleplex the Imbiber, did smite upon the beardy sloths of Corporationtax, with much screeching and mashing of earlobes.
And the House of Plonker was mighty, saying "Yea master, unto thy scrofulous monkeywrench, I do prostrate my unyielded feet."
Something like that.