Of Custard and Computers


Where did people get the idea that they ought to be able to use computers without knowing how to use them?

I mean, what would you think if you heard this conversation?

"I want to drive to London, but I'm not exactly sure how you do it."

"Okay. You know all about the highway code and traffic lights and stuff?"

"Oh sure. Well not really but I'm not concerned about that kind of thing right now. I just want to know the basics of how to drive a car."

"Right, well you've got the ignition, wheel, accelerator, clutch and brake. Once you've turned the key in the ignition you pedal the clutch..."

"Hold on! Hold on! I don't know what all those fancy words mean and I don't think I need to know. I just want you to tell me in simple terms how to drive to London."

Would you let this person drive your car to the end of the street? Somehow I doubt it.

But when someone wants to do their accounts without knowing the functions of a spreadsheet, or edit some video without knowing what a keyframe is, or email a graphic attachment without considering whether PNG and JPEG might be more appropriate...that's perfectly normal.

Cars, cookers and computers are all complex, often idiosyncratic, and take time to master. People take great care to get to know the quirks of their kitchen devices, and pride in knowing how to use their kitchen to prepare good meals. It's a comparable story with their cars.

Even when they play fast and loose with the rules of cooking and driving, they generally do so in a skilled and well thought out way. If someone exceeds the speed limit, it may be illegal but they probably know what they're doing. If your custard is on fire, it's probably crème brûlée.

Oh I'm not saying everyone who drives a car is a brilliant driver - obviously they're not, The majority have only a minimum level of competence - enough to avoid hitting trees and each other most of the time.

My point is that most computer users don't even have that level, and what's more important, they don't see why they should take the trouble to become competent, because only nerds are competent, and nerds are weird and somewhat contemptible.

Though somehow auto mechanics and good drivers aren't.


On the other hand...

I downloaded a single file in Stuffit format. So of course I had to spend ten minutes searching Google for a Stuffit expander that (a) didn't require me to register with any site that sold my details to spammers and (b) wasn't a broken link.

I found a Stuffit expander...which wouldn't install until I'd installed MS .NET. So I download Microsoft's .NET (version 3.5) installer. Which doesn't actually install anything on its own - it downloads the real installation files from the Microsoft server - and ran it.

The installer then informed me that I need to install Windows 3.1 for it to work. Huh? I haven't even seen Windows 3.1 running since 1992.

So I went back to the MS site, and tried to download .NET (runtime) version 2.0. On the third attempt, it started downloading. It took five minutes to download, and another ten to install.

After which...I could install the Stuffit expander. And unpack my file, Except I couldn't, because my file was in the old Stuffit format (.sit) and the expander only works with the new Stuffit-X (.sitx) files.

In fact, this minor problem is quite clearly specified in the small print at the download site.

So. I downloaded "Stuffit Deluxe" (15 day trial, naturally) from the official Stuffit site. Oh, and I had to register to do it, so I expect to receive some additional spam soon. Fifteen minutes to download, five to install.

After all this, I rather expected my file to be corrupt - it would make a perverted kind of sense. But no, it unpacks just fine.

Though the contents aren't as described.


So, in conclusion. If people treated their cars like they treat their computers, no one would drive. Because every car would get totalled on the day of purchase.

And if cars were built like computers, no one would drive. Because they'd do a million miles to the gallon, but wouldn't start.

1 comment:

  1. Stuffit was originally a Mac application. I haven't seen a stuffit file in an age.

    That was a great analogy btw. You really should have a column in some erudite magazine ... though which one I have no idea

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