My brother gave me a lava lamp for christmas. It's pink.

Now, I may not be the most butch person in the world, but I thought I wasn't obviously gay. Not the kind who flounces around in sequins and refers to insults as "bitching". I'm not a great fan of Abba or Shirley Bassey, and I don't worship Judy Garland or Joan Collins.

But no, it seems I'm the kind of person who gets given pink lava lamps.

I've come up with a song, inspired by Wolfsheim's "Find You're Here" - probably my current favourite.

Provisionally titled "Someone Else":

Verse 1:
You hold my hand
You're thinking it doesn't show
That you're thinking of
Someone else from long ago

You say my name
I turn as I hear the call
But I wonder if you're
Saying it to me at all

Chorus 1:
And when the lights start to go dim
You can forget that I'm not him
And when the time starts to run out
There's nothing left to talk about

Verse 2:
I hold your hand
I'm hoping you cannot know
That I'm dreaming of
Someone else from long ago

I say your name
You walk away and I fall
Did you think that I was
Only talking to the wall

Verse 2:
And when the lights start to go dim
I don't know where i should begin
And when the time it starts to fade
I think i'll stay for one more day

Two things about "Find You're Here" - it's released only as a single, and it's got a twin. "Find You're Gone" is a sequel/prequel/parallel, with the same chords, structure and vocal rhythm, but different lyrics and music.

It's an interesting idea - I'll have to try it out sometime.

C told me a joke today:

What's got four legs and goes "Boo"?

A cow with a cold.

Thank you.


  1. Don't lie. You showed me your Joan Collins autograph collection with pride.

  2. That was Jackie Collins. Completely different, and very macho.