Foreword, Foreward, Forty

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Some people say life begins at forty.

But these people are usually over sixty and have no life. If you turn a stupid idea on its head - like turning youth-worship into age-worship - you just get another stupid idea. Like replacing racism with political correctness, or universal brotherhood with universal misanthropy.

At age 10 I wanted to be an actor. At 15, a pop star. At 20, a philosopher. At 25 I just wanted to find a relationship that wasn't messed up. At 30, I wanted to be an exposer of frauds everywhere - so I suppose I wanted to be James Randi.

At 35...I knew what I didn't want to be any longer - the guy who fixes everyone else's computers. I also didn't want to be 'the out gay one' or the one who feels obliged to fit in. Somehow this translated into training as a teacher - and becoming an unemployed teacher instead of an unemployed technician.

Now, turning 40, I'm supposed to look back and ponder, so I can look forward and plan. I'm also supposed to have one last fling, a favourite pair of slippers, a life partner, a life insurance policy and no new thoughts ever again.

Well, I'll try for the planning bit:

• What to do: All sorts of stuff. Music, reading, writing, a bit of travel, trying out whatever seems interesting. Also, lose some weight and be less broke.
  
  
• What not to do: What everyone else my age is doing. Settling down, getting married, getting a mortgage with a patio and french windows. Believing the newspapers and pretending to understand politics. Also, prevaricate.
  
  
• What to be: I'll let you know when I've worked this one out.
  
  
• What not to be: Bored, regretful, fearful.

So there you have it. I know pretty well what I don't want to do with my life. If I have any wisdom at all, that's it.

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