What Did You Bring the Book I Didn't Want to be Read to out of up for?

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Thursday went exactly as predicted - except a student actually turned up and played ping pong. And then ten more.

Two Koreans, three Italians and assorted Arabs, enjoying themselves with token supervision - using more English in casual conversation that a week in the classroom, and ignoring national boundaries more than they ever do in school.

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Pavement Wit: Horn of the Dead

Used to describe necrophilia. Or zombie porn movies. yes, they do exist. Actually, I suspect there's more Porn-of-the-Dead flicks each year than cases of people having sex with corpses.

I do have to wonder exactly why it's illegal to cornhole a cadaver. I mean, does the government think there's hoards of people yearning to get stiff with a stiff, held back only by the fear of criminal prosecution?

Maybe the same thinking is behind making suicide illegal? Or cannibalism. Or bestiality. Or praying to the devil. Or blowing up airports.

But what do I know. Maybe a necrophile is a bibliophile with a fondness for the Necronomicon.

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Two weeks ago I had one week of teaching left. One week ago I had six! Now it's back to one. But probably a different one. Next week it may be different.

After that they want me to do cover work...and run the social program.

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This blog is six days away from it's forth birthday. What should I do to celebrate?

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This month eleven people died trying to climb K2. Is it only people who don't live in countries with mountains think it's impressive to climb them?

I mean, it is impressive. Just rather silly.

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This morning I attempted to phone a college to ask if they had vacancies.

The first number didn't answer, the second was an automated switchboard which redirected me to the Literacy Department. Which was actually Hair, Nails and Beauty, who gave me a number for Basic Skills, who were out to lunch at 10am.

So I tried another number, who put me through to The International Department, who didn't know whether they had any vacancies, but gave me another number to call, which didn't answer.

Finally I tried a third route, and got an answer. From someone who also didn't know, but suggested I try the internet.

I was very diplomatic.

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"The man whose wife is a doctor waved to me". A simple enough sentence, yes? Two intersecting sentences, bound by a common subject ("the man") co-ordinated by a relative pronoun ("whose"), one placed inside the other. Even my board-out-of-their-skulls and so-tired-they-don't-care-anymore afternoon class got it. Before saying they were bored and wanted to do something else.

So what about "The bicycle whose wheel fell off rusted"? Not so good, because strictly speaking, "whose" can only be used for living things.

"The bicycle of which the wheel fell off rusted"? Um, well...it's grammatically okay but...would you ever say it? Didn't think so.

"The bicycle which's wheel fell off rusted"? I have never, ever heard "which" used in possessive form.

"The bicycle that had the wheel that fell off rusted"? Not quite.

"The bicycle the wheel of which fell off rusted"? That one's my suggestion. It's grammatically impeccable, just rather...odd.

"The bicycle that of which the wheel fell off rusted". Don't be silly.

"The bicycle such that the wheel fell off of it rusted". Um.

Four teachers with three decades of experience between them couldn't work it out. But we don't tell the students that.

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The Blogger spellchecker knows "Necrophilia" and "Cornhole" but not "Necronomicon" or "Internet".

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"The bicycle which the wheel fell off of rusted". Probably. But I wouldn't want to explain how that preposition got over there.

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