The Stupid

"So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon."
- Emo Philips

Mother: Have you met our new exchange student yet?

Daughter: Yes mum. Her name's Li Yun and she's from Thailand!

Mother: That's very interesting. What does she look like?

Daughter: Well, She's got long black hair and she wears a green dress.

Mother: She sounds really nice.

Daughter: Yes, she is really nice. I hope she and I will be friends.

Mother: I'm sure you will. Now you need to go you your Karate class. You don't want to be late.

Daughter: No I don't. Thanks mum. I'll see you soon.

Mother: Goodbye. Have a nice day.

Yes, it's EFL English. The linguistic water torture spoken only in the town of Stepford - and textbooks for young people learning English. It's like being nibbled to death by anodyne ducks.

I used to wonder why most of Europe had an image of England as both painfully inoffensive but also quite spooky. Now I think I know.

What kind of teacher keeps the only copy of important and detailed information, on a whiteboard? And gives no indication he's doing it? Presumably one who doesn't realise other teachers use the room too.

The school has a social program. Teachers get paid to take groups of students out in the evenings to experience local culture

Tonight it was a pub curry. It was all arranged a week ago - all except for two things. First, no teacher had been asked to be guide/guardian/general-decision-maker for the event - so one volunteered himself. Guess who.

And one had mentioned it to the students.

So I turned up, waited half an hour, and went home. And still got paid for it.

Sometimes blithering incompetence is nice.

Today's pavement wit, to be written on an assessment form following any introductory educational presentation:

Before the presentation, I was keen to know something about the subject. After the presentation, I was still keen to know something about it.


  1. A pub curry? I think I've the Hershey squirts now just thinking about it.

  2. You should try explaining a 'ploughman's Brunch' to them ... surely that'd be worthy of a shag at time and a half ;)

  3. You need to arrange more outings without telling your students!

  4. David:

    Half of them are Spanish, so they're used to good food and are already pretty disgusted by British Fish & Chips and Hotpot.

    The other half are from Saudi Arabia, so they're caught between horror at our depraved eating habits, and cravings to join in.

    I'm not absolutely sure I know what Hershey squirts are - or whether they're the result of too many Hershey bars - but I suspect I can guess.

    I am not going to shag my students. It's true, the Spanish boys are lovely and the Arab boys are...well, repressed teens who need to experiment.

    But I'm not going there. It might be messy. But not in a good way.

    Daddy Cool:
    The school have already arranged two more outings, and I've volunteered to be the guide.

    And the young lady (the boss's daughter) who manages these things...doesn't seem likely to get more organised soon.