Friday night film: Eraser
A 1996 Schwartzenegger vehicle, with Terminator-style guns, Terminatoresque computers, and some POV special effects shots reminiscent of Terminator.
There is a plot. Well, a maguffin. A weapons company have invented a new gun that doesn't use gunpowder or bullets. Instead it shoots aluminium. Yes that's what I thought. But it's okay because it shoots them at the speed of light - though they still take appreciable time to travel.
Still, not to worry. In this movie's universe CDRs can be wiped remotely, and you can set off a sprinkler system by shooting it. And you can open ultrasecure bankvault-type doors by doing the same thing to the keypad.
Anyway, the company boss wants to sell weapons outside America for profit, which makes him unamerican - no I don't understand that bit either - and Arnie stops him and saves the girl by by blowing things up.
There is a completely pointless and lavish scene in a gay bar - the only one with no menace or violence at all. Interesting.
But what's this? A double feature?
The Stepford Wives was a psychological horror movie made in 1975, about how it's hell to live in someone else's heaven. It quickly became regarded as a classic, and spawned several TV movie sequels - Revenge of the Stepford Wives, The Stepford Children (which I thought was okay), and The Stepford Husbands.
Then in 2004 some idiot remade it. As a comedy. With a happy ending. And I can't believe I just sat through it.
The idiot in question is Frank Oz.
Today I bought a tin opener. And...a tin of sweetcorn.
You know, sometimes it's useful to live in a room that's also a storage space for a whole school. Because after I've spent ten minutes failing to open the tin with the correct implement, I can just take into the other side of the room where there's a hammer and a screwdriver.
Next time I emigrate, though, I'll be sure to pack a penknife. Though for preference not one manufactured in Bulgaria, the country where the only sharp edges are on the tin after you've opened it with a hammer.
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