I've been trying to persuade my doctor that I'm not depressed. This is the condensed version:
Doctor: How have you been feeling lately, in yourself?
Kapitano: I'm tired all the time, which is to be expected in diabetes, but generally okay.
Doctor: Hmmm. That's also a symptom of depression. Are you sure you're not depressed.
Kapitano: I haven't had depression for fifteen years. So I know what it feels like, I can recognise it, and I don't have it now.
Doctor: I think it's something we should bear in mind as a possibility.
Kapitano: When you're depressed, you've got no energy - you're unhappy but you can't get the willpower to do anything about it. When something bad happens, you can't fight back and you're more likely to dissolve into a puddle of non-resistance than get angry. I've been getting extremely irritated at a lot of things lately, so I'm not depressed.
Doctor: Getting angry can be a symptom too. Not all depressed people are wusses you know. If you're irritable, you could have depression.
What could I possibly have to be depressed about? Apart from welfare state bureaucracy.
Advisor:: You need help in designing your CV. I admit there's no jobs around at the moment, but the reason you can't find work has to be you have a badly designed CV.
Kapitano: I'm a graphic designer, and here's my CV.
Advisor:: Ah well you see, you've listed your qualifications at the top. You should have listed them on the back. Employers don't want to know about qualifications - they want to know what kind of person you are.
Kapitano: I'm the kind of person with a low tolerance for bullshit.
Advisor:: Then you need to change your personality to make employers like you. Anyway, I'm putting you on a one-day course so you can design your CV.
Kapitano: I've already had a job offer, and I've accepted. Starting in January.
Advisor:: You still need a nice CV. And you should do voluntary work - it looks good on your CV.
Kapitano: I already looked at voluntary work, remember? The Red Cross said they had no use for an English teacher with IT skills.
Advisor:: Then you need to approach them again. I'm putting you on a one-day course for people who want to do voluntary work. You could be a carer - would you like that?
Kapitano: I've already applied for the carer jobs.
Advisor:: Really? Why?
Kapitano: I want to do something worthwhile.
Advisor:: Um. You need to apply for a wider range of jobs.
Kapitano: I've applied for all the jobs in the region than I can do. That's almost everything except the 75% which are in sales.
Advisor:: Why not sales?
Kapitano: Do you think I could sell you shit you don't need and I hate? Do I strike you as a smooth-talking salesman?
Advisor:: I'm putting you on a course - a special course with a company who'll find you a job. It'll give you a warm glow of satisfaction to be in work. Isn't that worth it?
Kapitano: I'll let you know what I start the job in January.
It would appear that intelligence and authority cannot co-exist in the same mind.
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