Bulls Hit!

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Mother and me have got hold of some new diet pills. They're called "Equical", and they're such a well-kept secret they're not even on Wikipedia. The idea is you chew up one pill every four days, and drink as much water as you can after each pill and whenever else you're able.

The same supplier offers a Penis Development Pump and a Sex Magnet for men. I rather like the latter - it sits in your pocket and "transmits its therapeutic magnetic field throughout the genital area". There's also a range of softcore porn DVDs, vitamins, Ginkgo Biloba, and Breast Enlargement Capsules

My particular favourite is the Anti-Nausea Wristband, next to the Anti-Embolism Stockings.

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In similar territory, I spent an evening skimming blogs for stuff on homeopathy. Most of it was scientific types going over familiar reasons why the notion is unscientific - good to see but, well, dull.

There were scattered posts from users who're sure homeopathy works because because, unlike with conventional medicine, they've never seen it produce an adverse reaction. Well, unless you're allergic to water, it wouldn't.

One blogger obviously wants to believe it works, but is searching for a scientifically plausible method. I had a brief and civilised exchange of comments with them.

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The following is a survey of the last 25 years of computer programming, and if you haven't been programming computers for 25 years, it won't mean anything to you.

In the dim distant past of the early 1980s, when I wasn't yet a teenager, computers were small, programs were monolithic and variables were global. We didn't have pointers.

Then in my teens, computers got bigger, programs were divided into procedures, and their variables could be local. We'd heard of pointers but didn't use them.

Then in my 20s, computers got really big, procedures became a special type of function, and many of their variables were local. We used pointers occasionally.

Now, computers have stopped getting bigger, programs are functions which call other functions, pretty much all variables are local...and we use pointers all the time. Pointers are used mainly to create and destroy global variables. Except we don't call them that.

So after a quarter of a century refining programming methods, one wheel has come not quite full circle. We now have global variables which can be discarded after use. Why didn't someone think of that 25 years ago?

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Something else mother and me got the chance to try is Windows Vista. A local businessman - whose grasp of computing is slightly worse than my knowledge of ancient Cantonese - asked mother to set it up for him. So we've got his office computer running next to the fridge.

Previous versions of Windows let you format the hard disk before installing - a basic precaution. They also let you install to the drive of your choice - a basic courtesy. Vista does neither of these, making it the only application I've ever tried that doesn't give you installation choices - you just put the disc in and an hour later it's all done. And nearly impossible to change.

Windows 2000 was good for networks, because you could configure the network settings. Windows XP is good for sound and video applications because you can disable nonrelavent modules, increasing CPU efficiency.

Windows Vista is good for...looking pretty. And resisting any and all efforts to tailor it to specific uses. It's absolutely perfect for anyone who wants to use their computer for "general stuff, but nothing heavy", and who takes their car to a professional garage when the tyres need changing.

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Anyway.
Crunch crunch crunch on the diet pill
Glug glug glug from the glass
Drool drool drool at the chocolate
Manfully resist and hope for a thinner arse