KaStoWriWe

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That's the "Kapitano Story Writing Week". My version of the NaNoWriMo. I could call it the KaVaMuMyStoWriWe - "Kapitano Valentine Murder Mystery Story Writing Week", but that might be less catchy.

I've got about 2500 words written, with 2 or 3 times that number still to write. Or maybe 4. Is 10,000 words a reasonable length for a short story?

I've also got a miniature kettle, 50 teabags and half a pint of milk to keep me going through the night. And if I get really stuck I've been given a DVD from the Sinclair Institute.

If you're about my age and interested in computers, the name will conjour up images of Sir Clive Sinclair - his brilliant ideas for the ZX-80, ZX-81 and Spectrum computers, his less brilliant ideas for the QL, ear radio and digital wristwatch, and his completely mad ideas about motor assisted bicycles and miniature personal cars.

However, this Sinclair Institute sells sex toys and videos under the name "BetterSex" to American (heterosexual) married couples, showing them how to keep sex interesting and thereby lower the divorce rate. Apparantly.

This DVD is "Advanced Oral Sex Techniques" and shows actual vaginas (vaginae, vagens?) and errect penises (penii, penes?) being licked by actual mouths. All with insipid infomercial music and a soothing female voice explaining what's being illustrated.

The voiceover tells us that scrotums (scroti, scrota?) and the corona of the penis are highly sensitive. Actually I'm not sure the scrotum is more sensitive than the shaft, and the voice completely fails to mention the most sensitive penis part of all - the frenulum. But far be it from me to correct the advice of someone with "Doctor" in their name.

I'm not sure if the institute is pedalling bad porn for men disguised as patronising advice to women, or whether they're sincere. But they do also sell the Chocolate Clone-A-Willy - a device for making chocolate casts of your penis.

Two great oral pleasures in one. Right now, being on a diet, I'd rather just have the chocolate.

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