Procrastian Bed

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John Lydon was wrong. Anger is not an energy. It's a pleasure. Any strong emotion is a pleasure, and any pleasure can become an addiction.

The occult is bullshit, but it's fascinating bullshit. Hermeticism, gnosticism, christianity, lullism, spiritualism, mesmerism, kabala, masonic magic and cosmic codes. Whether you practice it, or rail against it, or disprove it in youtube videos with a fake animated whiteboard - these are all forms of fascination.

But I can't read about Hegel, Eckhart, or Bruno without getting furious and resentful that I wasted a decade of my life trying to understand their mystical shit with a bit of left politics tacked on - what we call marxism.

Feeling like a surly teenager about your own mistakes is its own reward. Yes, ranting about the past, even if only to yourself, is its own pleasure, and it keeps you from acting in the present. Perhaps that's a bonus pleasure.

I've seen people spend forty years of their lives obsessing over what they did wrong in the first twenty. I've met a woman in her 80s who can't get over messing up a love affair with a man who's been dead ten years. They were twenty.

Humiliating creationists on the internet is easy, and fun. Flat earthers, hollow earthers, white supremacists, gun fetishists, bible bashers obsessed with buttsex and scientific illiterates obsessed with spirits - the pond life of the internet, they love to cry persecution because it makes them feel noble, but they dissolve into spitting, foaming puddles when they're not "respected".

But it really is an indulgent waste of time. If you find yourself crushing cockroaches for the power rush, you're probably missing some self awareness. Plus explaining the obvious to the oblivious could be the definition of pointless.

So, it's not difficult to stop wasting time. Disable youtube comments, read science instead of pseudoscience, choose a project to work on, and work on it.

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