It's election day! And what story is on the front page of the local rag? Is it one of these?
* Conservatives Unveil Policy On Something
* "I Hate Blair Too So Vote For Me" says Labour Man
* Why LibDems Can't Be Trusted
* "I'm Gay" Says Conservative Hero
* Third Cousin Of Labour Candidate Is War Hero
* Liberal In Baby Eating Fiasco
* Conservative Wants To Be First Woman On Neptune. Exclusive!
* My Year Of Labour Hell
* Liberal Democrat Denies Al Quaida Paedophile Connections
No. It's "Tragedy of Crash Pilot: Flier In Chelsea Tycoon Helicopter Horror Killed On His Mother's Birthday". Below a special offer of "Free Garden Flowers".
The last local election, I played scrutineer for a few hours and got to chat with a Labour councillor - a real idiot whose casual conversation consisted entirely of cliches from press conferences.
I hung around to see the regional results announced and talked with the mayor - a pleasantly gossipy lady who told me she couldn't possibly comment on her colleagues. Before saying exactly what she thought of them.
She was messily "deposed" from the Conservative party months later, leaving that particular bunch of tweedy pensioners without a single public representative anyone could relate to.
This year, I spent election night reading potted biographies of famous friends of Dorothy, watching my favourite TV show and listening to trance through my new USB speakers
Since when did loudspeakers look like moonbase props from 1970s sci-fi?
Meeting C tomorrow, so no late night tonight. I'm a great insomniac but I've found something to lull me to sleep - the bible. Another web radio channel, this one reading the holy scriptures to me in a demented unending loop. The reader obviously has no idea what large sections of it mean - it's just a faintly dadaist hypnotic drone of strange sentences.
I once studied with a theology student who taught himself the gospels by recording himself reading them, then going to sleep with them looping under his pillow. I've no idea whether it worked. He used to come to me when he needed philosophical terms explaining.
It's the Book of Ezekiel tonight, so if I dream about laying down with the uncircumcised and going down to the pit with my sword, you'll know why.
Late news: We beat the Greens, yay! Coming 4th with about the same votecount as last time.
It's been a horrible election day for Minge.
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