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Some films are more praised than enjoyed - think Citizen Kane, The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari, and probably everything by Charlie Chaplin.

Others are more referenced than watched - The Thomas Crown Affair, Tron, possibly Dr No...and The Human Centipede.



Full title The Human Centipede: The First Sequence, it's the first in a projected trilogy of escalatingly gory films united around one idea: Mad scientists kidnap young innocents to surgically attach them mouth-to-anus in series. In other words, it's about being forced to shit in each other's mouths.



Now I've finally watched it...and I'm not sure what to make of it.

The plot is fairly straightforward. Two American valley-girls (Lindsay and Jenny) are touring Europe when their car breaks down in the middle of a creepy forest in the rain at midnight. So as is traditional, they go searching for an isolated house with a telephone.

The house is owned by a wealthy retired surgeon (Josef Heiter) who specialised in separating conjoined twins - but now has the opposite surgery in mind. He rohypnols the girls, euthanises a previously kidnapped trucker because his 'tissue is incompatible' with theirs, and goes out to kidnap another tourist (Katsuro).



Lindsay makes a failed escape attempt, prompting Heiter to decide she should be the middle section. The youngsters wake to find the surgery completed, and a leering Heiter.

The good doctor tries to housetrain his new pet, which he obviously intends to replace and upgrade his previous experiment - his beloved deceased 'three dog' - but he's constantly frustrated.



Katsuro the front section is furious and violent, the two girls keep Heiter awake all night with their crying, and Jenny at the back starts to die from blood poisoning. Then the police arrive asking questions, and after he tries and fails to rohypnol them, they return with warrant and guns.

As if Heiter's plans couldn't fall apart anymore, the centipede escapes and incapacitates him. There's a standoff, but Katsuro decides this is his punishment for the dishonourable way he's treated his family, and he cuts his own throat. Then Jenny dies, leaving Lindsay trapped in the middle between two corpses.



The police return, and Heiter kills them but not before one of them fatally shoots him. The End. Lindsay will presumably be found by more police later.



So what kind of film is this? A low budget horror flick that trades on a squicky premise and suggestion much more than gore - certainly. A wannabe cult classic - probably. A dark comedy - given the way Heiter is constantly frustrated by his creation and events, arguably.

Director Tom Six says it's a comment on fascism and the second world war - with the nationalities, language barrier, and of course pointless Nazi experiments. That makes sense, but it's not terribly deep.



The Human Centipede is actually a very silly film. The touted '100% medical accuracy' is bunk, the plot isn't nearly as much as a breakaway from tired horror cliches as the director likes to claim, as satire I think it's shallow and as horror it's neither disgusting nor disquieting.

David Cronenberg created much more unease in Shivers with a less obviously revolting premise, and if you like politics with your horror, Clive Barker probably does it better.



There were a few ideas I found interesting about the movie, though.

Most mad scientists in movies have some psychological reason for their actions, even if it's just curiosity. But Heiter has no motive that adds up. If he just wants a new three-dog, why doesn't he get more dogs? If he's just a sadist, why is he indifferent to death and irritated by signs of suffering? If the centipede is a proof-of-concept project, what does he hope to develop it into - besides the equally pointless twelve-person centipede promised in the (now completed) second film?

It's been called torture porn, but there's a difference. 24 was torture porn, as were the Saw movies, but in these cases we're supposed to root for the torturer - which is one reason they're so worthless. Here the sympathy is all with the victims, and their fightback.

The film's effective lead is Katsuro - he's the only main character to consistently fight against Heiter, and he's the only one to get a big speech. But he's introduced late and dies early. Plus, he speaks only Japanese - while the girls speak only English and Heiter English and German.



When the centipede escapes, Katsuro stabs Heiter in the leg with a scalpel, meaning Heiter is rendered unable to walk, only crawl - just like his creation. He's now a monopede.

The girl's only shows of affection come when they're holding hands in tearful comfort after the joining.

Katsuro may have the mouth (in the sense of both shouting defiance and eating) but Lindsay has the brain of the composite creature. In the escape, it's mostly her who has the ideas, which she communicates by pointing. There's an obvious parable about communication and co-operation there if you want it.



So that's what I think is the kind of movie this is. A loose collection of interesting ideas and nice filmic touches, held together by nothing more than...being stitched together in a row.

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