Frapped with Gold

The Strict Machines. Possibly the world's only skatepunk/flamenco fusion band.

Together in the early noughties, they somehow found time in their busy schedule of acrimoniously splitting up and reforming to write an amazing number of songs...a very few of which they got around to recording.

Guess who held the microphone? And did the mixing, mastering, pressing, sleeve design etc. Yes, and today I stumbled on the second and final EP I did for them.

So here they are, The Stict Machines:


I've been experimenting with spoken-word recordings. This is me reading "The Thing in the Moonlight", by HP Lovecraft.

Thing 3: Big Boy

Yes, I'm still here.

It's just that I've spent the last two months failing to do a lot of things. Failing to find work, failing to get support from the government, failing to master video editing software, and failing to make any more music.

I succeeded in writing some short horror stories...that failed to horrify anyone.

And so...another failure....

Allow me to introduce: My boyfriend.

I do have friends-with-benefits (and indeed wives), but this is the one that lives with me. This is the one I can go to sleep next to. This is the one I don't mind kissing.

He's seven inches long, and made from two layers of high-quality silicone - a hard inner layer and a softer outer one for that "realistic fleshy" texture. His name's "Johnny", he's made by Vixskin,and I picked him up online - cut-price from Uberkinky.

You can clean him by soaking in bleach, or boiling in the kettle for two minutes - which gets him really hot and wet.

I'd been promising myself something like him for over a year, so yes, anticipation is always better than reality.

Like most boyfriends, he's a total dick. He's designed to feel like human skin, which he does...albeit human skin covered in raspberry jam and smelling slightly rubbery.

Oh yes, and he's too big for me.

I have two major orifices, and he's too wide to fit into either of them. Which is why most of the time, we're happy just to cuddle.